Audience responsibilities

[Droolbucket]

In this forum, we've covered bands, soundmen, venues, and soundchecks. I think it's time we discussed the responsibilities of the audience during a show.
I'll start:

Be sure to stand around with your friends in the one aisle between the door and the stage. Grudgingly let band members by with equipment, but immediately close ranks so the next band member has to ask for permission to pass also. Glare at the band members so they know how much you've been inconvenienced.
If the band brings in large speaker cabinets, look alarmed and complain to the club owner about the music being too loud.
If you're at a wedding, go to the bar, get your free booze, then turn around and lean your back against the bar and talk to your friends in line behind you. This immediately stacks the line 3 deep, so when the band goes on break, they cannot get to the bar and get a drink in time to get back to the stage. Remember, band members have 15 minutes to tune up, correct any equipment issues, socialize with friends and the wedding party, take requests, go to the bathroom, and get a drink for the next set. Plenty of time, so go ahead and monopolize the bar.
No matter what style of music the band is playing, they will be happy to play "Brown Eyed Girl" or "Hang On Sloopy". Just yell it out in a loud voice. And, of course, don't forget to request "Free Bird" from the back of the room.
It's also your responsibility to go to the sound man and ask why they don't let the "keyboard player" onstage with the rest of the band. Then pretend to spill your beer on the board, or start twisting knobs at random with a large grin on your face. It's an inside joke, and all soundmen will laugh uproariously.
If you really like the band, be sure to trip over extension cords and spill your beer on the mic cables. Just to show you care.
Any more?

Droolbucket

[micguy]

Who's responsible for asking the sound guy to work on the lighting, so they can see their friend in the band better?

[Tim Armstrong]

It's absolutely vital to ask for some Buffet, especially if they're a blues band! I mean, c'mon, EVERYBODY loves some Buffet! (can you tell I'm getting sick of playing in a beach town bar band?)

Cheers, Tim

[pounce]

how about asking me about lost items?

asking me if "i'm the DJ"

asking if i know what all those buttons do

asking how many watts the system is

asking me to introduce them to the band

asking me to make announcements over the PA for them

"helping" me mix the band

[pounce]

here is the audience you described

http://www.rockandrollconfidential.com/cartoons/images/cartoons_015.gif

here is girlfriend music expert

http://www.rockandrollconfidential.com/cartoons/images/cartoons_016.gif

[rockdart]

The "L.A. Crawl".

Start out in the back of the room, arms crossed and frown on your face.

Move up 5 feet and loose the frown.
Keep arms crossed.

Finish beer, go get another and go back to your old spot. Talk to friend at bar to discuss whether or not you like the band.

If decided the band is good, make way to front, but keep arms crossed.

If more friends join, stand in a line with arms crossed.

Wait for hot chick to come by who's into the band.

Stop crossing arms and pretend like you've know this band since they were conceived.

[Swafford]

Audience responsibilities are as follows:
1. clap or whistle after every song
2. by me beer. good beer. Guiness or Old Speckled Hen preferred. Not the shit I'm drinking 'cause its free.
3. Take me outside and smoke weed with me. At least twice.
4. Please do not rub your titties in my face or place your hips between my legs. Really, I'm fat and old and married and while I enjoy the idea of fucking you, you are only doing it because I am the lead singer, you are drunk and I have principles goddamn it and a boner! A principled hard on is what I have and what I am.
5. Do not stand near my gear. You are not in the band. Yes, my shit is cool, now get the fuck away fom it.
6. tip the fucking bartender. Yes, I know he's an asshole. Tip him anyway.
7. please act like an asshole, it really makes me shine to out asshole the drunks.
8. Clap and whislte after every song.

[burnsy]

pounce covered my favorites but another one is the class in audience style which results in bar room brawls and me picking up t he nearest screw driver for the next drunken fu***r that comes near my kit.But then again these people do pay the entrance fees so hats off to some of them as ive done some right crap.

[bunnerabb]

"Can I put my purse here?" "No."

"Can you play Duran Duran?" "Nope."

"Do you know the lead singer's name?" "No."

"What kind of music do they play?" "Loud music."

"You want a drink?" "I'm working."

"Can I touch your knob?" "Not in public."

"Are they coming back on?" "They said they were. We'll find out."

"Do you work for the band or the house?" "The house." "But you can introduce me to them, can't yer?" "No."

"I used to know their old drummer." "Awesome."

"My cousin is in a band!" "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Remember me?" "No."

"Are you the deejay?" "No." "Are you sure?" "Yep."

"I LOVE this song!" "Then you should probably clap when they're done."

"I'm playing in a band up the street." "Cool." "What do you think of these guys?" "I think their checks clear."

"My band is way better than this." "Then why aren't you at a gig?"

"Can you make the singer louder?" "Yes." "Will you?" "No."

"I mix my brother's band." "Awesome."

"Can I see their song list?" "I don't have one." "How do you know what they're going to play?" "I listen to the notes."

[pounce]

i have found the response "noted!" works for the typical dumb ass suggestion/question thrown my way...

i think the guitar needs to be louder

me - "noted"


etc.

[vanblah]

If the keyboard player is right on the edge of the stage (which is usually the case in small bars) then feel free to put your drink on the keyboard.

While he's just playing keys and not really singing at the moment you can strike up a conversation about how you always wished you had stayed with your piano lessons. Do this as loudly as possible right in whichever ear is closest to you. If he ignores you, start pounding on his shoulder to get his attention.

And since you did take some lessons 25 years ago feel free to start pounding on the keys in the middle of a song. Everyone loves amateur free-form jazz.

After the end of the set please quickly rush up to the keyboard player and beg him to play some Elton John for your girlfriend. If it doesn't work send your obnoxiously drunk girlfriend over to start singing "Your Song" for the keyboard player so he knows exactly which song to refuse to play. Elton John is the perfect follow up to a night of indie-rock and the next band really won't mind at all.

[ggunn]

We're a cover band, so of course we can play every song that was ever recorded. If you request a song and we say we don't know it, we are just being dicks. We are holding out on you just to piss you off.

[Spock]

Ah yes, talking to me.

I'll be glad to talk to you at the end of the set, I'll even answer some quick question between songs. But what makes you think that when I have both hands on the keys that I can reach up and pull out one of the in-ears so you can ask if we play and Ludicris or JayZ. Have been listening to what we play? Does it sound like we are going to play anything close to it?

When I was doing weddings a long time ago it always seemed that some family member wanyed to sit.

"Hey, uncle Bill plays drums, can he sit in for a song?" Ah, no. You don't see me in 4 star place asking if I can come back and cook a few orders because I'm real handy in the kitchen.

[CloseToTheEdge]

Audience responsibilities?

1) Come down out of the tree

2) Stop throwing your feces

If you set your expectations low, you will be disappointed less.

[ggunn]

When I was doing weddings a long time ago it always seemed that some family member wanyed to sit.

"Hey, uncle Bill plays drums, can he sit in for a song?" Ah, no. You don't see me in 4 star place asking if I can come back and cook a few orders because I'm real handy in the kitchen.

OTOH...

A couple of friends of mine got married a few years ago, and they hired a very good local cover band to play their reception. During the reception someone asked the band if the bride could sing a number with the band. They really didn't want to do it; you could tell by the surreptitious rolling of eyes from the backline guys, but they were being well paid, so what the hey. What they didn't know was that Mary can sing. They kicked off "Stormy Monday" with some trepidation, but by the end of the song they had wiped the smirks off their faces. Afterwards, when the band leader asked her if she wanted to join the band, he was less than half joking.

[Droolbucket]

2) Stop throwing your feces




Well, there goes our "audience participation" segment....

Droolbucket

[dnafe]

Well, there goes our "audience participation" segment....

Droolbucket


:Thumbsup:

[omikl]

OTOH...

A couple of friends of mine got married a few years ago, and they hired a very good local cover band to play their reception. During the reception someone asked the band if the bride could sing a number with the band. They really didn't want to do it; you could tell by the surreptitious rolling of eyes from the backline guys, but they were being well paid, so what the hey. What they didn't know was that Mary can sing. They kicked off "Stormy Monday" with some trepidation, but by the end of the song they had wiped the smirks off their faces. Afterwards, when the band leader asked her if she wanted to join the band, he was less than half joking.

Seen this scenario more times than I can count ;)

My buddy's wife is an ex-singer with countless Fillipino hotel lobby bands. She's got a set of pipes on her that sound like Axl Rose crossed with Tina Turner. I've been there a few times when she's been "talked onto the stage", the band have done the "Here we go again" bit between themselves, and then she lights up and their faces drop.

I've also been the subject of it a few times when my buddies have bullied a band into having me play guitar with them. I call it "The look", it's like you've showed 'em an ID card that says "I'm not a civillian" :) when you turn the guitar down, play a tricky chord sequence and a couple of Hendrix licks or something. The relief is palpable. I recall once I was with some mates here in KL and a well known Malaysian Jazz singer was playing the lobby bar of the Hilton or somewhere. We walked in towards the end of the first set, and her guitar player recognised me (we'd been involved in a 2am "Could you please stop playing now, we're getting compaints from the guests on the 14th floor" end of contract incident with an Oz band a couple of weeks previously). Before they went on stage for the second set he asked me a favour "Could you play the first song of the next set. I'm trying this guitar out and want to hear it from an audience perspective". The rest of the group were quite perlexed to find this white guy standing on stage with a Strat around his neck at the start of the next set... Like I said, I turned to the keybopard player, threw down a couple of handsfull and said "Let's play a twelve bar huh?". "What key". "Whatever". C, of course :)

[Spock]

I've also been the subject of it a few times



Yea, and when we got married I wanted to enjoy the day, not work, so I didn't want to go up on stage or have anyone ask the band if I could comeup. Like I said I've been in that spot and most of the times the person just sucked.

However at our wedding someone went up to the band and kept unrolling bills until they said OK to me singing and a friend playing bass for one song.

[blackieC]

OTOH...

A couple of friends of mine got married a few years ago, and they hired a very good local cover band to play their reception.


Was that by any chance John and Mary's wedding?


I regret in the biggest way that I didn't tell my dayjob to fuck off so I could make it.

[ggunn]

Was that by any chance John and Mary's wedding?


I regret in the biggest way that I didn't tell my dayjob to fuck off so I could make it.

It was Bill McMillin and Mary Furrs' wedding, and the band was Beto and the Fairlanes. It was a few years ago.

[blackieC]

Ah...


I thought is might have been the now husband and wife engineering team that run Top Hat.

[macfeedback]

To get back on topic.......

The audience should turn off all cell phones, pagers, video cameras and pacemakers.

[pounce]

To get back on topic.......

The audience should turn off all cell phones, pagers, video cameras and pacemakers.


a strong YES to that. just reading it made me whince. not such a big deal at loud rock shows of any sorts, really uncool in pretty much all theatrical situations.

i went to attend a theatrical performance right before christmas, had a nice time at a funny show (the santaland diaries, a performance based on some dave sedaris material). folks in front of me by a row had their phone go off half way through the first act. small theatre, one person monologue going on - couldn't have been more distracting. rrrgh.

[ggunn]

a strong YES to that. just reading it made me whince. not such a big deal at loud rock shows of any sorts, really uncool in pretty much all theatrical situations.

i went to attend a theatrical performance right before christmas, had a nice time at a funny show (the santaland diaries, a performance based on some dave sedaris material). folks in front of me by a row had their phone go off half way through the first act. small theatre, one person monologue going on - couldn't have been more distracting. rrrgh.


Pacemakers? ;^)

I have a friend who is an actor, and he told me about a performance he was in where someone in a row near the stage got a call on his cell phone and answered it! The guy started chatting, saying something like "No, I can't come meet you, I'm at a show." The cast stopped the play and just stood there staring at the guy (incredulously), until he realized that he was now the center of everyone's attention, whereupon he got up and left, accompanied by an ovation from the audience.

The Santaland Diaries is great!