thought I'd be the first to post a song....

[jerryskid]

Please critique the song not the mix....

This is DOA by Spagetty.....(my band)

[dnafe]

Hey J

Some quick observations:

The tempo in the first 30 seconds is very unstable

The 16 bar power chord sections between the short verse lines should be eight bars.

Vocals are a little pitchy

The double time section in the quiet part (bridge?) should be 1/2 as long.

I like the break down of the instrumentation at the 4:00 mark..it's a nice change, could you do something like this earlier as I found the song getting a little long in the tooth by the time the quiet section comes along.

All in all not a bad tune. I like the melodies and the feel of the tune I just think the arrangement needs a little changing

As always YMMV


D

[dwoz]

great chord progression in the chorus. The 2nd chord is a great springboard or "indrawn breath" in preparation for unloading energy in the last two chords. Works well.

I'm not entirely convinced by the breakdown "bridge". Its sort of a filler and I'm not sure it helps the tune.

Good arranging idea, putting the slowdown "ending", then ramping back up to reprise the tune. However, that kind of "stadium encore" move has got to be really over the top energy-wise, so pay attention to execution there. Pull out the stops.

as requested, I'm ignoring the mix, and will not comment on the fairly constant timing issues...but of course fixing those will work wonders for propelling the energy forward. Sometimes what seems like poor arrangement choice is just sloppy execution.

I like the fact that the bassist has an idea of how to put 'weight' on those downbeats.

In the intro, think about changing the ride cymbal to 8th notes, perhaps with a few 'ticketyticketytickety' accents.

I very much like the contrast between the verses and the chorus. The instrumental space in the verses is very powerful.

I know we're not critiquing the performance, perse, but the vocalist needs to think carefully about where he's going to grab a lungfull of air...the pitch problems, I'm fairly sure, are him running his tanks too low.

Slow tempos are a bitch, eh? like walking down the street in your underwear.

Last but not least, make sure that reprise is really really over the top.

good tune!

dwoz

[jerryskid]

Thanx for the good comments, and the bad.....the drummer at the time was not one we were happy with (re the timing problems) and we now have a better drummer and things have tightened up a bit.
This was recorded at a recording school and it was pretty much one take and go....It was a relatively new song when we took it into the studio and it shows...It really has grown a bit since we've done it live alot now.....I'm pushing to take it back in the studio and do it right, so we'll see what happens when I show these comments to the rest of the band....thanx again for listening....

[chrisj]

I want the vocalist to demand that I listen to him more- it doesn't feel like the song is about what he's singing, it feels more like it's about him following a bunch of changes, like the changes came first. He's trying real hard and he's a good guy with passion and determination, but it's just not like the song's about him and what he's singing.

At 3:43 with the walls-o-chords why is it being syncopated, hitting on the off beats? It sounds like the chorus (?) except it's altered for no apparent reason, killing the big swinging feeling.

In a lot of places I want to scream 'COMPOSE LESS, DAMMIT!' :D I don't mean that in a bad way- hell, my stuff is generally nowhere near as good, certainly I suck in comparison, it's just that I hear lots of musical STUFF shoveled in everywhere and I don't always understand why it's there. Syncopations, proggy hesitations, taking a riff and turning it inside out and then repeating it a couple times so I notice... I want to get more of a sense of WHY the music is doing what it's doing. Especially if the vocal feels like it's following the music, rather than the music following the vocal.

I promise I'll post some crap so people can have their revenge :)

[Carlo]

I want the vocalist to demand that I listen to him more-

I promise I'll post some crap so people can have their revenge :)

A man who'll stick his neck out can't all be wrong!!:Thumbsup: