people tapping on mics

[pounce]

fucking quit it already. yes, it's on. and yes, tapping the mic is bad for the mic.

i'm glad i mostly have 57's and 58's out there, but this tapping on mics to see if they are on is bullshit.

i know it's seen all the time, so it's like a culturally learned thing. always shown on tv and such.

and why is it that everytime they show a PA on tv and film it ALWAYS starts with someone tapping a mic followed by a little bit of feedback and then everything magically works fine on it's own?

so anyways, hands off my mic. i'll turn it on. there are no user controls on it, and tapping on it will only make my short patience get used up.

[pounce]

why do i also assume that all mic tappers are also duct tape users. i'll just presume that once they are done tapping on my mic they will duct tape down my mic cable. may as well put my pet peeves together into one thread.

both offenses should be punishable in the nastiest conceivable way.

[burnsy]

You sure are in need of a large nonce whacker also known as a bat for the occasional time like you mention that person taps mic you tape their head with the said nonce whacker. Until he or she gets the picture. I get it a lot it is horrid how sound is percieved in that way in films. You dont see the ball ache of what has been done to get that mic there and then the bill when someone swings it or throws it.

[G. Hoffman]

both offenses should be punishable in the nastiest conceivable way.


Castration, kind of like in Fight Club. One difference though. None of that pansy ass tying off of the balls. I WANT them to feel the pain, and I WANT them to bleed.

Yup, castration. That's my vote.


Gabriel

[pounce]

i mean, really, fuck - why is it always the mic. in movies and such, how about every time someone turns on stage lights there are sparks and the lights kind of dim for a moment and then everything is magically alright? that would be analagous to how sound is presented.

[Droolbucket]

When I was a teenager, I was in a country band with established musicians, and I was eager to prove I deserved my spot in the band. Somehow, we got asked to participate in a 'showcase battle-of-the-bands' at a venue 3 hours away. And we were naive enough to do it, for free.... that's how long ago this was!:lol:
We were introduced, started the first song, I walked up to the mic and belted out.....................nothing. The cheapie mic had an on-off switch on the side, and it was off. I had never thought to check.... none of our mics (58's and 57's) had switches! I was terribly embarrassed, and the audience had a good chuckle at my expense. I wish I'd tapped on the mic!
More recently, we've had soundmen who routinely mute all unused stage mics. We all sing harmonies, and sometimes trade off vocal lines. We also switch instruments quickly, so it sometimes happens that we walk up to a dead mic. If it's a soundman we haven't used before, we'll try to signal that we'll be using a mic, and I'll try to make a quick comment to the crowd to make sure my mic is on and loud enough. By the end of the first set, the soundman usually has things figured out.

If we believed everything we saw on TV, sex would be over in the time it takes to run two commercials, and (here's the ludicrous part) the man would still be awake when the show comes back on! Pretty far-fetched, I think.....:Confused:

Droolbucket

[pounce]

well, i suppose hindsight is 20/20. getting the soundguy to know that the backing vocal mics need to be un-muted and saying "check" or whatever into the mic (instead of tapping it) are in the "we know now what we didn't know then" category. it's bad with bands, it's the worst with business theatre - folks who don't have any other mic/speaking experience.

[Dr. Bob]

I've always thought that duct tapping their balls between their buttcheeks was SOP... you mean it's OK to do otherwise? THAT'S WONDERFUL NEWS!!

I had a fiddle player at the briefcase gig, who without fail wouldn't just tap the mic... he would flick it like a kid with a booger on his finger... O JEBUS Give me strength not to smack him into the middle of next week...

[Jason Phair]

There's a special circle of hell dedicated to these people.

It's one rung below those who say "sibilance" over and over again when checking the mic. Yeah, dude, I know what the fuck it is. I don't need you to tell me.



This could all be solved if I could get my T/S to Edison adaptor to be UL approved....

[bunnerabb]

What I hate is bands who do three sets and come back to the show after each set like an ostrich pulling it's head out of the sand.

"Is this thing on?".

"No, I unplugged everything on break and tossed the master mute button away."

:Roll eyes:

[Swafford]

I like to tap on mics. Actually, I don't even tap, I thump. It's my way of saying "Hello sound man!". I'd say something clever, but I'm saving it for the paying customers.

[pounce]

i've also had another funny thing happen, less anoying but a little strange.

at business theatre type events, i've had the organizers show up early, go to the podium which is often down center on the stage, and set their notes and so forth on the podium. while there, invariably, some other person from their event greets them and they begin to discuss the event or people who are going to be there. then they realize the mic is on and they crank the gooseneck all the way down and around facing the mic into the orchestra pit. bear in mind, i'm the only one in the house and i'm 150 feet away from them. they are the only people on stage. they CHOSE to have a conversation at the podium with the mic in the middle of the stage and then seem surprised that the mic is on. a few steps away from the mic and nobody can hear this conversation at all.

kind of funny, really, why exactly are folks standing center stage at a mic surprised to hear that the mic is on, and why would you carry on private converations in that particular spot? anyhow, it's just kind of amusing that people would do that. tapping the mic is way annoying, this is only semi annoying as i have to fix the mic/gooseneck after they cranked it all funny and downward facing.

[bunnerabb]

Microphones are phallic. Theyre' culturally totemic. They're our talking sticks.

Women pick one up and become effusive and affected, men pick them up and become authoritarian.

Corporate hacks see them as employees who are there to serve their vanity and they have no idea how they work. I can tell you a lot about a person by how they act in front of a mic if they don't use one for a living.

[mousdrvr]

Microphones are phallic. Theyre' culturally totemic. They're our talking sticks.

Women pick one up and become effusive and affected, men pick them up and become authoritarian.

Corporate hacks see them as employees who are there to serve their vanity and they have no idea how they work. I can tell you a lot about a person by how they act in front of a mic if they don't use one for a living.

Bunner, sometimes you are profound dude. It's dark what you say here, but profound.

[David Aurora]

yeah i think i'll put this in the category of dumb but understandable for the simple reason that when youre onstage if you tap the mic its either on or off and the only offended person is the soundguy. but when you get up there with the adrenalin/nerves kicking in just the right amount to give you that bit of onstage confidence, and you walk up all cool and shit talking, til you realise theres no sound and people think you're a wanker.......thats embarrassing.

id never really thought about it til now, but i think i usually just listen for noises through the p.a to see if its on, that leaves less chance of looking like an asshole. maybe just breathe near the mic a sec before starting so if its not on i'm not standing there talking to myself (i dont mean standing there heavy breathing like a stalker or anything, breathing out once is enough to check). or grab the mic (like im adjusting the stand) and listen for handling noise. theres lots of subtle ways to check, and with some of the engineers ive known it does pay to check :icon_eek:

[bunnerabb]

Bunner, sometimes you are profound dude. It's dark what you say here, but profound.

Dark? No.. No dark arts, here.

People who only use a microphone here and there see it not as a tool, but a way to project how they see themselves to the people who are looking at them because they have a microphone. Men become either all "Hey. lissen up, yo" or all serious or jocular. 9 out of 10 women you stick in front of a mic are incapable of using it without shouting "WOO!" into it like something amazing just happened when they shout it. Any woman with three beers in her will shout "WOO!" at the top of her lungs if you stick a mic in front of her. This is because she doesn't see herself as having a mic in front of her but rather as her having acess to a mic. Any time an act brings up a girl from the audience, especially comics, my finger is on that fader and the comp gets dialed 10:1 until she exits.

A study psychologists did about drivers noted that most men drivers see themselves as being "on the road" and most women drivers see themselves as being "in the car" as they operate them.

Anything culturally totemic draws some very distinct patterns of behaviour from the poeple who interact with it. Especially in a crowd. Or trafic. Or anywhere where they percieve themselves as having a specific set of expected behaviours thrust upon them. They then gauge those expectations against what they can do to make the event or the experience "their own", IMHO.

It's one part simple psychology and one part just looking at the shit people do over and over.

[pauly]

It's one rung below those who say "sibilance" over and over again when checking the mic. Yeah, dude, I know what the fuck it is. I don't need you to tell me.



Pretty sure this is a Waynes World joke and not a "smart":Roll eyes: musician.:)

[Droolbucket]

It's one rung below those who say "sibilance" over and over again when checking the mic. Yeah, dude, I know what the fuck it is. I don't need you to tell me.




Actually, it's Mushmouth from "Fat Albert" saying, "Silence!"

:)
Droolbucket

(testes, one two....)

[Droolbucket]

It's one rung below those who say "sibilance" over and over again when checking the mic. Yeah, dude, I know what the fuck it is. I don't need you to tell me.


Actually, that's Mushmouth from "Fat Albert" saying, "Silence!"

:)
Droolbucket

[rockdart]

What DOES one do to check a mic? I mean, there's a reason for it right?

Because I always eq'ed top to bottom (highs to lows), I do a mic check with;

Check, Check, Check - for the initial blast of sound
Seven, Seven, Seven - for the high end in the "s"
Two, Two, Two - for the mids
One, One, One - for lows

It's my thing. I'm probably nutz for revealing it - but if ever I get to work with any of y'all, at least you know the madness behind the method.

[Swafford]

I don't know about these prissy FOH engineers and thier extra special SM58's, but after I've thumped the thing good an hard, I go "hello". Then when the FOH, now apparently with his panties up all over his neck and his pussy hurting because I thumped the fucking cock module, tells me to sing something, I do. Usually 'Pastures of Plenty', cause it's purty and Woody Guthrie wrote it and he's American. And I sing it over and over and over till he says stop (honestly, just to be a prick, I usually make him say stop at least three times.) Then I thump that fucking mic one more time and wipe a booger on it to make sure the opening bands' lead singer has some favor in his lead vocals.

Then, of course, I go smoke a fat one. (Or, as we say to the owner, "Say a prayer for the skinny kids in Africa")

[leester]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[slipperfan]

What DOES one do to check a mic? I mean, there's a reason for it right?

Because I always eq'ed top to bottom (highs to lows), I do a mic check with;

Check, Check, Check - for the initial blast of sound
Seven, Seven, Seven - for the high end in the "s"
Two, Two, Two - for the mids
One, One, One - for lows

It's my thing. I'm probably nutz for revealing it - but if ever I get to work with any of y'all, at least you know the madness behind the method.

Actually, I'm pretty much interested in other 'nutcases' revealing their mic-check methodology.. last week i was helping with a relatively 'big' gig. Was on stage and asked to check the mics.. no idea what to say.. wasnt prepared for that at all.. did some stoopid stuff.. next time i'd like to do stoopid stuff I can reason about if i need to explain myself... :(...

[zoff]

Check, Check, Check - for the initial blast of sound
Seven, Seven, Seven - for the high end in the "s"
Two, Two, Two - for the mids
One, One, One - for lows


I do the same. but Six is for highs, Two is for lows, One is for lo-mids and Three is for hi-mids
:)

[archtop]

How many soundmen does it take to change a light bulb.






Two, Two, two.

[G cubed]

I work at a college where I often times have to set up for mic/podium presentations. I prefer to use the wireless Audio Technica mics I got for such occasions. They are not the greatest wireless mics, but they work just fine for this. Problem is they have a 3 position slide switch on the bottom "On" "Off" and the dreaded "Voice activated battery saving mode" which is the center position between on and off. This jackass feature doesn't activate the mic until you're on the 2nd word spoken and generally shuts it off after a 1/2 sec of silence. Several years ago, at a rather large event, the MC, a fat "I never do anything wrong" VP :doubledeuce: :doubledeuce: (sorry had to do that) waddled his fat ass up on stage. First thing he did was to go for the slide switch to turn on the mic. Not that it was necessary because I'd already done so at sound check. He switched it to the off position and began his speech. Realizing that he wasn't up on the PA, he shot me a death glance muttering "ahhh is this thing on?" after some gestures and mouthing "Turn it back on" he got the message and set it in the bat save mode. Well thankfully his greeting lasted only about a minute and he quickly introduced the keynote speaker at which time I sent another AT up to the podium, The event went on flawless from there but, the next day my e-mail was bulging with complaints. I stood my ground and maintained the fact that this fat fuck was the cause of his own demise and, from that point on, I always put a gob of duct tape over the switch to prevent it from happening again.

[clicktrack]

When I was a house tech, I quickly learned to put a piece of gaff tape over such switches.

When something is so simple that only an idiot can screw it up, invariably, you'll find the idiot doing exactly that at YOUR show.

Good story!

[Brendo]

I think this is the same reason that shure transmitters have the "power lock" feature - idiotproofing.

[pounce]

How many soundmen does it take to change a light bulb.






Two, Two, two.

none, thats fucking lighting.

[Dr. Bob]

none, thats fucking lighting.

Right ON!! :Thumbsup:

Let the spark fairy's handle it... it'll only take an hour and doors are in an hour and a half...




So the show will start fashionably late.

[AxeSlash]

What DOES one do to check a mic? I mean, there's a reason for it right?


I'm a "TWO TWO, HEY HEY, ONE TWO" guy.

Mainly because I was taught that the one is the lows and the two the highs, although these days I reckon you get more bottom out of the 'two', and the 'one' is more for the HONK section.

If i get bored I start talking in a random different accent, usually Scottish, Scouse, or Australian. For no good reason other than to amuse myself...

And "Syphilis" (sp?) is a good substitute for "Sibiliance" ;)

[Psyko/Acoustics]

I love it when some of my colleagues make "clik-clok" noises into the mic while checking their sound... like they were speaking that African dialect.

Hope it works for them. I find it damn annoying.

[Bob Olhsson]

What I hate is when people blow into a mike to see if its on.

[AxeSlash]

What I hate is when people blow into a mike to see if its on.

Agreed on that one.

"Yes, I'd like some moisture in my nice expensive Beta 87 please!"



Oh wait.



I also have to regularly tear the work experience kids around here a new arsehole for using a cold SDC with no pop shield in the same they would use a 58. Usually results in some hefty popping and a mic with a head full of condensation.

Grrrr.