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Mixerman
February 16th, 2011, 07:27 PM
Hey Everyone,

I'm looking for an LA band with a killer song for the Total Access Master Class.

Here's how it works. We want to make a recording of an LA based band from pre-production to mix as a part of a master class for ten "students." The band we select will be recorded by Ken Scott (The Beatles), Wyn Davis (Dio), Joe McGrath (AFI), and myself (Ben Harper).

In exchange for meeting our needs for teaching, you get a free recording and mix of your band's latest and greatest song, by four veteran recordists, mixers and producers, and you get it free and clear.

The class includes a setup evening, and three full days of recording and mixing from April 8-11 of 2011. The band MUST be LA residents, play well (we're not going to be getting into beat detective and elastic audio here) and have a killer song.

IF YOU DO NOT LIVE IN THE GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA WE WILL NOT CHOOSE YOUR BAND OR YOUR SONG!

If you meet these requirments please email TotalAccessMC@gmail.com with an MP3 demo version of your song.

Please NOTE, this is NOT a contest. We reserve the right to find the band and song of our choice through any and all channels available to us. This is merely a way for us to expand our search beyond our own circles.

We will negotiate directly with any bands who have the skills and song that would be perfect for the Total Access Master Class.

Enjoy,

Mixerman

E. Shaun
February 16th, 2011, 07:30 PM
What a fantastic opportunity! Glad you guys are offering this. :Coolio:

Slipperman
February 16th, 2011, 08:46 PM
IF YOU DO NOT LIVE IN THE GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA WE WILL NOT CHOOSE YOUR BAND OR YOUR SONG!


What if they fly in from Jersey and set-up house in refrigerator boxes under the 110?

I got guys who'll do that no fucking problem.

They already live in dumpsters and cardboard shacks in industrial waste disposal sites.

Play better than any of yer shitty LalaLand AssBuggery bands too.

Send ya some slamming death/grind/math/ska/housecore.

Yes. Such bands exist.

And they're God.

No matter.

You 4 fruitkakes would be crapping yer nappies in absolute darkness trying to get that shit sorted.

Don't bother answering.

I can smell the fear from here.

SM.

PS. Better not have any "World Beat" instruments like Djembe and Oud and Nadaswaram and whatnot(that you Cali losers think make ya PC) kicking around when my band gets there.

Those fucking things will get a "World Beat-Down".

I got this vision of tiny wooden fragments covered in surfer blood and Mr. Zogs Sex Wax sailing right into the 3 burning 55 gallon drums were gonna set up in front of Wyn's place.

MacGregor
February 16th, 2011, 08:55 PM
What if they fly in from Jersey

I already considered this for myself when I stumbled upon the killer song and play well small print. And I'm not a band :headpalm:

Mac
.

clarito
February 16th, 2011, 09:21 PM
I just want to fly in to see the "World Beat-Down".

Slipperman
February 16th, 2011, 09:32 PM
Now I'm thinking of just crashing the session with the band in tow.

Whadda those guys gonna do?

Call the cops?

The fucking cops are surfing or eating tofu and mixed greens at some Rodondo Beach yuppie sidewalk cafe.

They don't give a fuck.

They hate Mixerman.

Well... it's not gonna happen, but a guy can dream, can't he?


Here's the expected fallout from such a scenario.

I'm having this new vision of Mixerman strumming a ukulele with Ban Harper in a abandoned WWII era desert airplane hanger in Western Chad.

10028

Wyn slumped over the steering wheel in the remnants of the Poison tour bus dressed as Betty Davis.

10026

Joe smeared in Narwhale blubber dodging harpoons behind the reception desk at Holiday Inn Nome AK.

10027

Ken swinging from a stout rope in a remote lighthouse in Normandy with "Young and Rich" playing in the background on a GE mono cassette.

10029


SM.

Spock
February 16th, 2011, 09:52 PM
OK, my co-workers have just told the boss I need to get drug tested ASAP. I'm at my desk laughing so hard at Slippy's posts. No one can be happy where I work, it is forbidden by regulations, thus I must be on drugs.

DPower
February 16th, 2011, 10:04 PM
L.A.?

Really?

L.A. is everything that's wrong with American music. Seriously, anywhere but L.A.

:headpalm:

E. Shaun
February 16th, 2011, 10:59 PM
L.A.?

Really?

L.A. is everything that's wrong with American music. Seriously, anywhere but L.A.

:headpalm:

Oh, so you're saying these top mixers should fly to the band to record them? Sheesh. :Roll eyes:

DPower
February 16th, 2011, 11:10 PM
Oh, so you're saying these top mixers should fly to the band to record them? Sheesh. :Roll eyes:

No, but at least let a band fly in at their own expense.

Sheese :Roll eyes:

ivmike
February 16th, 2011, 11:31 PM
How about a Montreal band that flies in on their own dime; where someone in the band has worked with Aardy previously (and nearly successfully)?

Oh wait....that last part of the sentence just got use excluded, right?
:vuvu:

MacGregor
February 16th, 2011, 11:38 PM
...Montreal band [...] Aardy...

Only if they play the Habsichord.

Mac
.

ivmike
February 16th, 2011, 11:47 PM
Only if they play the Habsichord.

Mac
.


Most of the band plays the Habsichord....

studiomusic
February 17th, 2011, 12:07 AM
My band would do this in a minute and pay for flights/hotels. Got a killer song too.
Just don't live near LA.
:Cry:

Mixerman
February 17th, 2011, 12:11 AM
No, but at least let a band fly in at their own expense.

Sheese :Roll eyes:

We can't risk a no show or any other act of God that might affect an out of town band from getting to LA for the class. Plus, we want to "audition" the band in a rehearsal atmosphere before we make our choice, and we can't be flying all over the US to find a band for this.

Enjoy,

Mixerman

Slipperman
February 17th, 2011, 12:21 AM
We can't risk a no show or any other act of God that might affect an out of town band from getting to LA for the class. Plus, we want to "audition" the band in a rehearsal atmosphere before we make our choice, and we can't be flying all over the US to find a band for this.


I call BULLSHIT!!!!

Have some random shit-ass LA "Back-up band" in the wings!!!

Not like there's any shortage of boat anchors with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO FOR 4 DAYS IN THAT SHITHOLE OF A TOWN.

Fuck this exclusive bullshit.

My murderous passel of sub-humanoid cretins want to record with the "Beatles guy", and they're willing to kill anyone or anything that gets in their path.


I say we ALL fly in, get hopped up outta our skulls on mescaline, absinthe, and Peruvian marching powder... assemble an angry mob and surround the fucking studio with Molotov cocktails and thermite grenades.

Burn the fucking joint to the ground with everybody in it.

That'll learn those arrogant LA fucktards.

"No band from outta town" my balls.

Fucking discrimination it is.

Plain and simple.











OK.









Forget the "Scorched Earth" plan.











Too much negative press on foreign turf.








NEW PLAN.






Let's hurt Mixermouse in the only place he has working nerves.













His Wallet.











Nobby's calling the ACLU as I type this.






His LINY based 60's burnout jam band has an undefeated record in class action suits against Power companies and loggers and pretzel manufacturers and whatnot.











We're gonna make these dirty elitist bastards pay out the proverbial wazoo.


SM.

overeasy
February 17th, 2011, 12:24 AM
Now I'm thinking of just crashing the session with the band in tow.

Whadda those guys gonna do?

Call the cops?

The fucking cops are surfing or eating tofu and mixed greens at some Rodondo Beach yuppie sidewalk cafe.

They don't give a fuck.

They hate Mixerman.

Well... it's not gonna happen, but a guy can dream, can't he?


Here's the expected fallout from such a scenario.

I'm having this new vision of Mixerman strumming a ukulele with Ban Harper in a abandoned WWII era desert airplane hanger in Western Chad.

10028

Wyn slumped over the steering wheel in the remnants of the Poison tour bus dressed as Betty Davis.

10026

Joe smeared in Narwhale blubber dodging harpoons behind the reception desk at Holiday Inn Nome AK.

10027

Ken swinging from a stout rope in a remote lighthouse in Normandy with "Young and Rich" playing in the background on a GE mono cassette.

10029


SM.

I'm HURTING. :grin::grin::grin: Rare form. Even for you.

MacGregor
February 17th, 2011, 10:11 AM
My murderous passel of sub-humanoid cretins...

You should write a poetry book. That's just beautiful :Thumbsup:

Mac
.

imagin
February 17th, 2011, 04:35 PM
Ouch my sides are hurting!!!!




STOP!!!!



PLEASE!!!!




Hahahahahahahahaha

I fucking LOVE this place!

Thanks guys!

cozmicslop
February 17th, 2011, 07:19 PM
What if they fly in from Jersey and set-up house in refrigerator boxes under the 110?

I got guys who'll do that no fucking problem.

They already live in dumpsters and cardboard shacks in industrial waste disposal sites.


I know those guys!

I was having a 'problem' with this so called promoter and they made him disappear for $175.00 and a bag of greasy gyros.

They rock like fuck but the drummer pops vikes like skittles and after a few hours can no longer understand English. He'll need a translator with a taser and baseball bat, but otherwise he's all good.

Plus he can play to a click.

Slipperman
February 17th, 2011, 08:22 PM
Notice MixerMoron trying to brush this under the carpet and hoping it will go away quitely.

I called him last night on his cell phone and demanded he address our grievances.

He scoffed at the idea, saying, "The Titans don't descend from the clouds at the first wailing of the mortals".

When I protested in my milquetoastic way, he summarily dismissed my posts as "Glancing blows"(He actually DID say that! LMFBO)... and abruptly hung up on me stating" "If you ever call this number again, I will have you removed from the Academy".

This filled me with great fear as I have never been a member of any Academy, and I certainly can't afford to squander what is apparently a secret membership in one.

That I'm a member of.

The Academy.

Consider me squelched.

SM.

Slipperman
February 17th, 2011, 08:28 PM
OK. I have considered my squelching at great length(90 seconds), and have decided that Mixerman can suck my hirsute testicles in a gale force wind on top of the Golden Gate Bridge.

I'll be back with more illuminating and scintillating insight on the subject shortly.

Right now I have to go and record my 27 millionth "blind date" record of my career.

Something MM and his drove of Audio Mentats are shit-scared of trying.

Some might say this is because they are a bunch of mollycoddled pussies who need a high quality Florshiem in the fucking yarbles.

But not me.

I have no such lofty praise for them.

SM.

CloseToTheEdge
February 17th, 2011, 08:34 PM
Oh my god, that's fucking hilarious!

otek
February 17th, 2011, 08:35 PM
Somehow, whenever I've read one of Slipperman's posts, I feel like my English glossary has expanded by powers of ten.


otek

MacGregor
February 17th, 2011, 09:59 PM
Somehow, whenever I've read one of Slipperman's posts, I feel like my English glossary has expanded by powers of ten.


otek

Absolutely. Just in case your dictionary of choice won't translate all those picturesque rumblings (hehehe...), the Urban dictionary (http://www.urbandictionary.com/) is your friend.

Mac
.

otek
February 18th, 2011, 09:43 AM
I doubt the Urban Dictionary would feature such gems as "mollycoddled".


otek


EDIT: Well, I'll be damned.

Dave Perry
February 18th, 2011, 10:07 AM
Somehow, whenever I've read one of Slipperman's posts, I feel like my English glossary has expanded by powers of ten.


otek

Mine too. :icon_eek: :grin:

Dave Perry
February 18th, 2011, 10:11 AM
L.A.?

Really?

L.A. is everything that's wrong with American music. Seriously, anywhere but L.A.

:headpalm:

That's ok, since most of the movers and shakers in L.A. have Swiss bank accounts.

tannoy
February 18th, 2011, 12:42 PM
EDIT: Well, I'll be damned.

Don't wonder about it...

http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/2956/tosud.jpg

Marco

meLoCo_go
February 18th, 2011, 01:01 PM
Oh, a vintage win2000?

Barish
February 18th, 2011, 04:40 PM
Oh, a vintage win2000?

It looks like a German edition of Windows XP is finally expected to make it to the Krautland sometime next year.

B.

McAllister
February 18th, 2011, 05:09 PM
Crap.
Wish I lived in the greater LA area like I used to. But I don't. Unless you consider Austin, Texas to be the great Los Angeles area. Which you don't. Or won't. Fucker.

It'd be fucking great to take part, though.
I'd be all over it like a. . . like, well, like a thing that is all over another thing. Right. Like ugly on Paris Hilton. Like duplicity on a politician. Like Slipperman on grammar.

DPower
February 18th, 2011, 06:35 PM
That's ok, since most of the movers and shakers in L.A. have Swiss bank accounts.

Not for long... I'm going to start an initiative for the government to freeze bank accounts of any mover and shaker who deliberately excludes bands outside of LA and put that money into culture here in Switzerland (dear god, we need it.).

Just need to collect 100 000 signatures. Be right back.

tannoy
February 18th, 2011, 09:26 PM
Oh, a vintage win2000?


It looks like a German edition of Windows XP is finally expected to make it to the Krautland sometime next year.

B.


:lol:

You are completely mistaken. Actually it's the Beta of Windows 9.0 Special Professional. Microsoft is goin' back to the roots, and who if not me would be the right guy to judge if they do their job right in that manner ??

This Beta version is a gift from god - a gift which both of you will never experience, 'cause it's only for the BRAVE. It speeds my Pentium II up to about 250 GHz (overclocking option not activated) and uses its case as RAM, which makes about 12 TB in my case (pun intended). Besides, it can use ANY medium as a solid state drive due to its sophisticated FAT 2048 - AMAEFAB* technique. Right now I am running Pro Tools, Cubase 6, Reaper and Logic (via the integrated FSJ - AAT interface) with 128 tracks each, about 8 plugs on each channel and processor load at about 8.8764 % (not to mention that I'm watching a porn in full SuperScreenHVeryHighD and do a webcam chat at the same time while typing this).

I was about to ask you 2 if you would be interested in testing this Beta out as well, just because I dunno how to spend the 50.000 $ I receive from MS each month for doing so. So we could have shared the cash.

But I guess you are not.


Marco


(*AllMemoryAccessEvenFromABread)

nobby
February 18th, 2011, 10:20 PM
L.A.?

Really?

L.A. is everything that's wrong with American music. Seriously, anywhere but L.A.

:headpalm:

The post is about Louisiana -- LA, not L.A.

dnafe
February 19th, 2011, 01:21 PM
Hey Slippy...next time Mr. Mixerwus gets uppity with you just say two words. (yes I realize that's damn near impossible but try)

Mubarek

Egypt

nuff' said

Comte de St Germain
February 23rd, 2011, 11:30 PM
Right now I have to go and record my 27 millionth "blind date" record of my career.

SM.

I am so completely "in-tune" with this process, the forks in it's proverbial road and how the arranged marriage segment of it can be so tasty or so completely repugnant that it becomes Shakespeare from Shatner.

Because of this, we are frowned upon by the Academy, like Ornette Coleman at Kenny G's joint or steak on a freshly beaten vegetarians anemic forehead.

Either way, we're still surrounded by music or it's nearly musical cousin.

I told a buddy to submit to this torture, he's in a band with some chicks with the initials L.A. Pick them and I'll fly out with some mercury, baubles and some anectdotes of my days setting up the American Revoultion with Adam Weishaupt and his band of merry illuminati. Although Allesandro Cagliostro was the real under recognized character in that part of history. I digress...

Mixerman
February 24th, 2011, 12:59 AM
LMAO.

Slippy's hysterical internet hugs aside, we're still not done looking for an LA band. We got a bunch of great submissions, and one of those might even be the one we choose, but there are four of us here, and we wouldn't mind hearing more tracks and bands. Spread the word.

Enjoy,

Mixerman

MacGregor
February 24th, 2011, 06:35 AM
LMAO.

Slippy's hysterical internet hugs aside, we're still not done looking for an LA band. We got a bunch of great submissions, and one of those might even be the one we choose, but there are four of us here, and we wouldn't mind hearing more tracks and bands. Spread the word.

Enjoy,

Mixerman

Given the much bigger audience you could ask over at Gearsluts...bands from there would even bring their gear to the gig...


Mac
.

imagin
February 24th, 2011, 07:55 AM
Given the much bigger audience you could ask over at Gearsluts...bands from there would even bring their gear to the gig...


Mac
.

And maybe even help with choice of Mic's and presets!

Knastratt
February 24th, 2011, 11:03 AM
And maybe even help with choice of Mic's and presets!

Don't forget the jocularities they'll bring. :)

Saculus
February 25th, 2011, 06:42 PM
OK, my co-workers have just told the boss I need to get drug tested ASAP. I'm at my desk laughing so hard at Slippy's posts. No one can be happy where I work, it is forbidden by regulations, thus I must be on drugs.

Wait I thought you get drug tested around here to make sure you were properly self-medicated. I'm confused.