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radiationroom
April 13th, 2011, 01:20 PM
Someone actually said this to me once....

"....this power amp can deliver it's full rated output the whole way to zero ohms!...."

:headpalm: :lol: :lol: :headpalm:

And then there was this one....

"....using the balanced connections on the console makes it easy to keep your sound well balanced...."

:Confused: :icon_eek: :Roll eyes: :headpalm:

Also my other favorite quote....

"....when cleaning your tape machine be careful as to not wipe the bias off the heads...."

:lol: :lol: :headpalm: :Roll eyes:

EDIT: THANKS FOR FIXING THE TITLE FOR ME.

CloseToTheEdge
April 13th, 2011, 04:38 PM
Here's some old chestnuts:

"These new solid-state guitar amps are so much better than messing around with tubes. Those days are gone!"

"This is just as good as a real Les Paul."

"Of course this DX-7 is not a 'grey market' unit. Guitar Center would never sell one of those." —Lawndale Guitar Center, April 1985

"We're really sorry about the last DX-7. The replacement is absolutely one that was imported for the US market." —Lawndale Guitar Center, May 1985

"The three-bolt strats will certainly become collector's items."

"If you invest in the Fairlight system, you will never regret it."

And a more current example, from a website:

"The Moog engineers set up a 5 voice Phatty in the Moog Sound Lab. Watch them and Eric Svalgard, Director of the School of Rock, work the 10 oscillators, 5 LFOs and 5 Voltage Controlled Low Pass Filters all under the control of one Little Phatty keyboard."

(Me: Finally, a decent polyphonic Moog! Let's see... Little Phatty, $1200, 5 Slim Phattys @ $795... hmmm, that's $5,175 plus rack mounts.)

SON OF A BITCH! :headpalm:

Aardvark
April 13th, 2011, 04:49 PM
Had a grown man tell me with a straight face that the then new Portico Tape Sim hardware had... wait for it... a real tape head inside.

Long and McQuades.:Roll eyes:

I asked if he was kidding and not only was he serious his fellow salesman told me that this guy had been reading up on it online and was something of an expert on Rupert Neve designs.

"Which Neve tape head is inside and is there any tape rolling over it? Are you sure you aren't talking about tape head emulation as is written on the damn thing and not an actual tape head?"

He wasn't sure which Neve tape head was inside but assured me there was one.:headpalm::headpalm::headpalm:



.

Spock
April 13th, 2011, 05:31 PM
"These speakers were computer designed, that could never happen". 1984 sales dude trying to sell me some crap that was badly beaming the high end.

PRobb
April 13th, 2011, 08:38 PM
"....when cleaning your tape machine be careful as to not wipe the bias off the heads...."

:lol: :lol: :headpalm: :Roll eyes:

Damn!
Quick, go to the shop and have them send up some nanowebers!

nobby
April 13th, 2011, 09:50 PM
"....when cleaning your tape machine be careful as to not wipe the bias off the heads...."

:lol: :lol: :headpalm: :Roll eyes:



Had a grown man tell me with a straight face that the then new Portico Tape Sim hardware had... wait for it... a real tape head inside.

Long and McQuades.:Roll eyes:

I asked if he was kidding and not only was he serious his fellow salesman told me that this guy had been reading up on it online and was something of an expert on Rupert Neve designs.

"Which Neve tape head is inside and is there any tape rolling over it? Are you sure you aren't talking about tape head emulation as is written on the damn thing and not an actual tape head?"

He wasn't sure which Neve tape head was inside but assured me there was one.:headpalm::headpalm::headpalm:

.

The early Neve virtual tape heads had smiles on their faces. I accidentally virtually polished a Neve playback head too vigorously and I actually wiped the smile off of its face.

Seriously, I think your guy at L&M doesn't get the use of quotation marks.


Quotation marks may additionally be used to indicate words used ironically or with some reservation.

The great march of "progress" has left millions impoverished and hungry.

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/577/02/

From Neve's site:


“True Tape” Emulation and Line Driver unit’s emulation circuit provides the nostalgic rounding and compression usually only achieved by the use of tape. This typically offsets the harshness often found in digital recordings. The Portico 5042 incorporates an actual tape drive circuit that feeds a tiny magnetic “head” which, in turn, is coupled to a correctly equalized, replay amplifier. The only thing missing is the tape itself!

ivmike
April 13th, 2011, 10:50 PM
My favourite:

Picture it; Steve's Music Store; Ottawa 1993; I'm about to head into the studio and work with a certain member of this forum (hahaha....I said "member").

I am rooting through the cymbal pile...

ME: I'm having trouble finding your Paiste cymbals; where are they?

CLERK: We never sell any so we don't carry them; buy a Sabian. They're Canadian.

ME: No, I want to try some Paiste stuff; your other two stores (Toronto, Montreal) carry their cymbals and you don't?

CLERK: They're not popular in this store and we don't sell any because we never sell any. Seriously, dude; Sabian is more popular; they're Canadian.

ME: Did you ever think that "they aren't popular" in your store simply BECAUSE you refuse to carry any? How can you track the sales of something that you don't offer?

CLERK: (sound of mind exploding)

ME: I bought a Paiste cymbal from this shop, after having played a bunch, not more than three months ago; where did they all go if they aren't popular?

CLERK: (sound of mind exploding .... or it was him digesting his poutine...I was never sure....)

ME ....

CLERK: I can special-order one for you, but I'll need a 20% deposit

ME: No thanks; I'll drive the 90 minutes to Montreal and go through their stock.

CLERK: Montreal's far....are you sure?

ME: Yes. Completely. I *like* Montreal.

Oberlehrer
April 13th, 2011, 11:00 PM
"If you invest in the Fairlight system, you will never regret it."


Well, I believe very few people have regrets for having invested into an original Fairlight CMI, Fairlight II or a Series III.



And a more current example, from a website:

"The Moog engineers set up a 5 voice Phatty in the Moog Sound Lab. Watch them and Eric Svalgard, Director of the School of Rock, work the 10 oscillators, 5 LFOs and 5 Voltage Controlled Low Pass Filters all under the control of one Little Phatty keyboard."

(Me: Finally, a decent polyphonic Moog! Let's see... Little Phatty, $1200, 5 Slim Phattys @ $795... hmmm, that's $5,175 plus rack mounts.)

So, how much will cost a MemoryMoog with Lintronics upgrade nowadays?

6x2
April 17th, 2011, 10:51 AM
"I can sell you those stompboxes, but if you want something that'll serve you well and keep its value, I'd pick the Digitech RP-6"

So instead of selling me something remotely useful that I could still use, the guy sold me a horrible sounding piece of shite that I sold for peanuts about 12 months later.

That's why I don't want to be young again.

6x2

dwoz
April 17th, 2011, 02:11 PM
Many salesmen get premiums and/or commission overrides when they hit certain volume thresholds...and that almost never includes used gear.

AT BEST, you're being steered toward a purchase that is the best fit for you within the salesman's best commission.

Dogbreath
April 18th, 2011, 05:06 PM
AT BEST, you're being steered toward a purchase that is the best fit for you within the salesman's best commission.

Ain't that the truth. :grin:

Any more, I do a LOT more research on stuff I'm gonna buy. If I get a salesdude that wants to get me what I want...cool. He gets the commission. If not, I go elsewhere.
I've been had more than once and finally learned how to shop gear with a bit more savvy.

That's NOT to say that I'm not still a boob....:Coolio:

Damage, Inc.
April 18th, 2011, 10:40 PM
AT BEST, you're being steered toward a purchase that is the best fit for you within the salesman's best commission.

I HATE this approach and never used it. Some of the guys I worked with sold this way and I never agreed with it. Now if, for example, someone is looking for a $100 vocal mic and I could get a spiff on a Sennheiser, I might have recommended that instead of an SM58. But I wouldn't, and never have, spouted bullshit like mentioned above. Although it's impossible to know everything and I certainly have been misinformed from time to time.

radiationroom
April 19th, 2011, 12:30 AM
Many salesmen get premiums and/or commission overrides when they hit certain volume thresholds...and that almost never includes used gear.

AT BEST, you're being steered toward a purchase that is the best fit for you within the salesman's best commission.

Ain't that the truth!

Back in the mid-90's a friend of mine who used to pimp gear frequently got equipment as spiffs directly from the manufacturer. Big dollar items like ADATs and Mackie boards. So much so he was able to assemble a respectable home studio without having to shell out a whole lot of noodle for anything.

One thing you need to watch out for when buying gear is the so-called "list price". Often times the manufacturer will inflate the list price of a product by a significant margin or two so the retailer can offer the unit at a "deep discount". This is a dirty old trick that in some ways is worse than bait-n-switch because it is designed to mislead the inexperienced and/or uneducated customer and can add lots of profit to the dealer's bottom line.

The numbers that you really want to know are the manufacturer's "Minimum Advertised Price", the "Recommended Street Price" [i](what the store actually sells the product for), and the dealer's cost. When you see an ad that sez "call for price quote" it means that the product's actual street price is less than what the manufacturer will allow to go to print. It is all explained on the manufacturer's "confidential price sheet" and if you are able to get your hands on that information you should go work for the CIA or something because dealer cost is guarded like government secrets.

NathanRocks88
April 19th, 2011, 02:23 AM
"call for price quote" it means that the product's actual street price is less than what the manufacturer will allow to go to print.

you wouldn't happen to be talking about the sweetwater "pro gear" catalog now would you?

Keks
April 19th, 2011, 02:50 PM
"I can sell you those stompboxes, but if you want something that'll serve you well and keep its value, I'd pick the Digitech RP-6"

So instead of selling me something remotely useful that I could still use, the guy sold me a horrible sounding piece of shite that I sold for peanuts about 12 months later.

That's why I don't want to be young again.


Ah the memories.
The bad, bad memories.
I was talked into a RP-5.
I gave it away, in the end.
:finger::Mad::fingerlefty:
Some nice stompboxes would still be in use, I guess...

All the best,
the keks

G. Hoffman
April 19th, 2011, 10:16 PM
"The three-bolt strats will certainly become collector's items."




To be fair, they have. Of course, that is one of my favorite examples of how, contrary to Ayn Rand's theory, the market is completely irrational and idiotic.


Gabriel

omikl
April 21st, 2011, 01:57 PM
Yup. Those very same wavy necked boat anchors that started everyone looking for the good old stuff in the 70's are now desirable because of their age...

The crappy Stats I tried out as a teen made sure that I didn't buy a USA Fender until I was 36.