Raw song critique

[Destination Jake]

Hey all, this is a song I actually recorded on a roland VS2480 (24 track digital recorder).

The tracks don't have too much eq/dynamics on them, pretty basic, but I'm going to import all the tracks into pro tools tomorrow and see what I can do.

So this is almost pretty much raw

There are 2 tracks.. One has some vocal stuff, which is kind of scratch.. volume is off.. One is the instrumental :)

I uploaded them to a server
With Vocals (http://www.destinationverona.com/01 Agrestic.mp3)
Instrumental (http://www.destinationverona.com/02 Agrestic Instrumental.mp3)


Look forward to hearing what you think

[Destination Jake]

By the way there's no bass.. yet

[Aardvark]

...Look forward to hearing what you think

I think they need a bass, a vocal and a good mix. A drummer who is playing the same song as the rest of the band would also be of great help.




Cheers,
Aardvark
:Roll eyes::Roll eyes:

[dikledoux]

yeah... the middle part where the drums get jumbled is all um... jumbled and stuff.

Plus the vocals sound like 3,657,932 other bands. All you're missing is some inappropriate screamo junk on the chorus. A fresh take on a melody and lyrics would be nice.

But the guitar work is interesting - mostly because it takes some turns you wouldn't expect with this material.

dik

[Destination Jake]

yeah... the middle part where the drums get jumbled is all um... jumbled and stuff.
dik

Which part? (How much time in?)

I'll have another mix for you guys soon with bass, and probably different vocal takes

[st robert]

ye gods, what a mess.

i admire the scope of what you are trying to do, but the execution is one big polyrhythmic convoluted cesspool of attempts at dressing up the same few chords with artificially "difficult" technical tricks.

at the end of the day it is boring as fuck to listen to and gets irritating hearing the players almost pull off what they are attempting. it needs texture and dynamic. it has neither. if i was driving the bus, i'd pull over, tell all the kids to sit down and shut the fuck up, then check the map to make sure we are on the right road to wallyworld, cause it feels like we're on the road to cranked-up-hooker-with-hepatitis-world. (insert disclaimer here)

break the song down into it's core pieces and work out how in the fuck they should be arranged, how they fit together and what will move the listener from point a to point b. find out where point a is first. find out what's so great about point b.

start over.

love,

rob

[emtou2u]

in your defense...you did say "raw"... :Roll eyes:

1. uncooked
2. not having undergone processes of preparing, dressing, finishing, refining, or manufacture: raw cotton.
3. unnaturally or painfully exposed, as flesh, by removal of the skin or natural integument.
4. painfully open, as a sore or wound.
5. crude in quality or character; not tempered or refined by art or taste: raw humor.
6. ignorant, inexperienced, or untrained: a raw recruit.
7. brutally or grossly frank: a raw portrayal of human passions.


so...i'm sure you have lots of ideas and things you want to do yet...therefore...i don't want to comment on anything other than the vocals...

for the feeling and style of song you really need the lead vox to be a bit more of a powerhouse when required. i felt no initial strength in his performance and couldn't get most of the lyrics in the first 45 seconds.

not to degrade anybody, and you may well be the vocalist :Uh oh: (if so...sorry in advance)...but when the lyrics get to "shape up, shape up, shape up" the vox are neither invigorating or convincing....and from there they lose steam.

i do like the effect of the vox at "wake up, wake up, wake up" but as st. rob said...you're seriously missing texture and dynamic (vocally as well as instrumentally) which would lend itself to making the song stronger and much more interesting.

IMVHO

[st robert]

oh.


yeah.

raw...











sorry.

i take it all back.






tee hee

rob