turning your back on your dreams

[Statick]

so today i quit the band. not because of "musical differences" or any shit like that. simply because i cannot afford to keep doing it.

this isn't a band that functions as a unit like most bands would - we are a backing band for a singer/songwriter, who i honestly believe is gonna be fucking huge. so, we all know our place (when she says jump, we say how high) but at the same time we are all good friends and we gel very well as a band. think PJ Harvey, it was ultimately all about her, but she used the same band for a very long time because that band were absolutely just right for her. this scenario is similar - it's all about her, but this band is totally fucking perfect and we work well as a band

unfortunately, i'm self employed with business overheads, and require a certain amount per day to flow through the business. gigging with these guys only pays 2/3 of the amount i need tops (in some cases, only 1/3), and that's per show and not per day that i'm away from work. hitting the road means many more days away from work than paying shows, and suddenly when for a period of days i would need say £1000 to go through the business, i've got £300.

the idea was i was going to somehow struggle through the touring on the reduced income, i've managed to muddle through plenty of quiet periods in the past, and given the chance to follow your dreams, who wouldn't jump for it ?

but lately my finances have gotten to the state where i'm nearing bankruptcy (in part due to the last 2 short tours, but obviously there are many other factors involved), and january involves some pretty hefty touring. there's also almost a whole month coming up around april/may which will put me out of the country (not just the region) for the entire duration. a sudden unexpected calamity means i'm almost £1000 down overnight, and reality hit me like a sack of shit today. i've got lots of unpaid bills from last month, those same bills are now due again and i still don't have the money, it's christmas in a month, and i've just burned £1k. i've got letters threatening court action unless i come up with some serious cash, and i cannot be pretending it's all OK anymore.

despite having spent the last 15 years actively pursuing a career in music, and despite the last 2 months being the first time i've actually found a viable future in doing so, being a combination of A) something i fucking love doing, music that i really respect and get great enjoyment from playing, and B) the not-given-lightly (or at all) idea that there is serious potential and a massive market for the music, as well as an album coming out on a very respected and international independant label (their "main" artist is one of the all-time biggest selling artists on the planet) - i've had to turn my back and walk away from it. if i don't, i'll soon be in court over unpaid debts, so i don't really have a lot of choice.

i'm even seriously considering selling my drum kit, which i only bought earlier this year, it's a very rare and valuable vintage kit and is the only thing of any real worth i have which is sellable. unfortunately, it's also my only "real" instrument, everything else i have is either knacked or just plain crap.

so today was an emotional day all round. having wasted a lot of time training, and losing, drummers in the past (i'm drummer #8 or 9 now), she has said she's not going to bother trying to train yet another. she said quite honestly that she feels i'm utterly irreplacable, and if she did spend time training another drummer she wouldn't be satisfied with them anyway. and from my part, if there was any way at all i could keep this going, i would, i would do everything in my power to.

i've also just lost my absolute dream FOH job, due to highly unfair and questionable circumstances, leaving my reputation as an engineer potentially in tatters - something i've worked hard at building over the last few years. it's highly likely i'll get much less (if any) work in this city for the foreseeable future... i was aiming, in the long run, to move away from my day job (i have a pc repair business) and eventually just do engineering and music full time, but that looks highly improbable now. certainly, one guy who owns one of the biggest PA hire companies in this part of the country, and knows most engineers in the area, now thinks i'm a retard (and for completely unfounded reasons).

i have also been utterly heartbroken by girls several times over the last few months, turning me from what was previously the most confident i've ever felt in my life (having finally escaped a stifling and drawn-out failed relationship) into the complete opposite, i am now almost unable to speak to girls at all. i've always had pretty serious confidence issues, so actually having any confidence at all was a major fucking step up in my life, but it didn't last long. this by itself has kept me pretty emotionally unstable for a while, although the intense mood swings and somewhat unstable behaviour had settled lately into just general depression...

but with the events of the last few days, and especially today, i really don't know what i'm doing with myself. i still have a roof over my head (for now), and my physical health is pretty much OK (and i've not started smoking again, which is good, since everything else i've tried lately seems to have failed), so i still have plenty to be grateful for - but i have just managed to walk away from everything i have spent basically my entire life persuing, and right now it feels like a permanent gesture. certainly, the opportunities i've had this year have only come once so far in my life, and i've had to let them go already, and i don't really see them coming again in any massive hurry. so i've spent the best part of the day genuinely trying very fucking hard not to cry or scream or hurt myself or anyone else, and apart from the crying bit i've managed to hold it down.

sorry to be a miserable fucking prick but sometimes you just need to rant about stuff...

[Comte de St Germain]

I think we've all been on your corner at one time or another, in fact, I'm there a lot but...

"If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger."

A cliche, one that sounds cold from your side of the text but in reality, and like post WWII Europe, with destruction comes infinite opportunities to rebuild.

Good luck, I for one know you won't need it if you keep your head up and will good things your way.

Positivity will attract more positivity no matter what science posits.

[Grapestomper]

Statick,

I'm an ocean and a continent away, and I have no clue about the details of your situation, so there's no point in my trying to give you any advice.

And besides that, I don't know what advice I'd give.

Just want you to know that I feel for you.

be tough, m' brother.
M

[Johnny]

Hi, Statick. I'm another guy a continent away, etc., but I'm really sorry to hear of your difficulties. I'd just like to encourage you with a couple of things.

Number one: I'm going to pray for you until I hear your situation is better.

Number two: I want to commend you for making a very hard decision in a very responsible and mature way. You're doing the right thing in managing your business and providing a living for yourself. I know at the moment it seems like you are abandoning your hopes and dreams, but this isn't what I see happening in your post at all. Instead, I see you establishing yourself to have a better shot at pursuing those things. You need to have resources to try to make something happen in the music business, and you need to establish yourself as a responsible breadwinner to provide for the right woman and a family. In making the choices you've made, you are getting nearer those goals, not cutting them out of your future.

Bands come and go, and who knows what musicians may come into your life tomorrow? Maybe even this same band, or members of it. You've proven your worth and that kind of value doesn't just go away.

I encourage you to think of this period as a season of preparation. Maybe even get on a new practice routine or even study some new styles with a teacher. Get yourself out of debt and then sock some away for the next tour. Stuff like that.

You obviously care a great deal about what you do. I know from your posts in the past how important music is to you. This crap is temporary. And you love music. Enjoy it. Good things will come out of that. Satisfying things.

[Tim Halligan]

Statick,

I think we all have an inkling of what you are going through. I'm aware that it sounds as trite as anything when I say hang in there...things will get better, but in time it will happen.

Lose the junk in your life - physically and metaphorically.

Only keep the good stuff.

Put your head down and get your business sorted out.

Move forward from there.

Don't sell the kit.


Best wishes.


Cheers,
Tim

[Grapestomper]

Don't sell the kit.


Seconded.

If you don't absolutely have to, don't sell the kit.


Mike

[dwoz]

This advise is gonna suck....but why don't you rethink your living "requirements"?

Do you really need to do what you're doing? Are there children or other mouths to feed? Are you working to support an automobile loan?

What exactly are your NEEDS?

Ask a very stark question: if you mothballed your PC repair business, could you start back up in 5 months?

Does the rest of the band have some kind of support structure that allows them to do this? How do they do it? Is it about choices, or is it about circumstances?

I think Johnny drummer has it exactly wrong. Provider for a woman and family? meh. horseshit. plenty of time for that. Getting your resources in place for next year? fuck that shit.

On the other hand, the number of bands that were "this close to making it" and never did, is legion. But what, after all, is "making it"? if it has label support...

I was out of work for one year, and came right back into a leading position.

Oh, and I support a LOT of people, husband, father...johnny you have NO IDEA.

When there are no real constraints on you, do what you will. When there are real constraints on you, do what you can.

dwoz

[Cosmic Pig]

Stoopid computers. I had a great long post going with tons of advice when it crapped. Obviously The God of computers thought it wasn't worthy so I won't repeat it.

Objects in depression are larger than they appear. You just got whacked upside the head with bills, try not to drag all the problems into the fray, they'll add up to more depression. Try to ignore the FOH thing, and the broads too. The FOH stuff will sort itself out and women are all insane.

I've had to put down the guitar and pick up a shovel a few times in my 45 years, yet here I am still chasing the dream. It'll come around again. But man that moment when you realize you don't have much choice sux large.

I sorta disagree with the guys who say don't sell the kit. Selling the kit won't hurt your drumming in any way. Use part of the money to fix up your knackered stuff. You can always buy another kit later when the dough flow is better. If you can get around it then don't sell it, but fuck it if you have to. It's only gear, not talent or dreams.

Try to use this opportuntiy to set yourself up better so the next round of chasing the dream is easier. Quitting playing and paying bills for a while is part of chasing the dream, albeit the shitty part.

But really, that sux Statick and I feel for ya man. Get through the next few days and get those bills off your head and things will look a lot brighter and you'll be back in the fray in no time.

Cos.

[seagate]

Oh, and I support a LOT of people, husband, father...johnny you have NO IDEA.

:icon_eek: You support a husband? I had no idea!!!


Statick:

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, hope you get through shit quickly and effortlessly!

:)

seagate

[blackieC]

Statick,

I feel for you brother, I truly do.

I am searching for a way to say this without coming off like a greeting card or some dickhead motivational speaker prick.


Several years ago I was in a band with a bunch of great guys, all of whom I truly loved. I had struggled through a painful two year ordeal with the lead singer of bringing into the group and then dismissing a seemingly endless string of losers, junkies, liars, psychotics and life draining vampires. After a long uphill climb that would have made most turn to chartered accountancy as a fascinating new venture, we struck upon a group with a shared passion that made making music effortless and enjoyable. We took shit gigs for shit pay and loved every minute of it.

Every fucking minute.



Then we decided that it was time to make the album.


We went into a wonderful local studio run by a fabulous engineer who made us sound great. The studio cut us a "brother in law" deal" on time and in the end even gave us gratis several reels of 2".

The real problem was that even with the fantastic deal we got from the studio, the income from our day jobs was still not quite sufficient to allow us to record in a timely manner. We were stringing out a few eight hour sessions a month over what became months, and months. I was spending every cent I had after food and rent on studio time to the extent that I let my auto registration and insurance lapse.

Then one evening on my way to a mix session I got pulled over for having an expired tag. In Texas that, in combination with a lack of insurance, will buy you a trip to jail. I was only in lock up for a total of twelve hours but I have to say that the experience sent me into a funk that I found very hard to shake. I don't know if my vibe was contagious but afterward I began seeing the energy of the other band members wane as well. The drummer, who had been there with support and suggestions even though he hadn't tracked a thing in six months, stopped showing up at the studio. We made it through the remaining mixes but the fire we had started out with slowly became a dying ember. The album was finally finished but we were all beaten and broke. Without any great fracas or fanfare the band simply imploded with a tiny "pop".

All of us decided without the need for extended debate that the door had closed itself and we all meandered off in different directions.


But none of that was my greatest mistake.



My greatest mistake was falling in to a black pit of self pity and depression in the aftermath for far longer that I care to relate.


Life is and almost endless hallway of seemingly innumerable doors.

When you close a door, or when it is closed for you, the worst possible thing you can do is just stand there staring at it.

There is no shame in missing what was in the room behind the door. Those memories are part of what makes life an enriching experience.

The only true shame is in not turning around and allowing yourself to see all of the new doors before you begging to be opened and explored.

It is a sad moment, but allow it to pass.

Turn around.

Take a look.

Open a door.



Best wishes, Blackie.

[Tim Armstrong]

I don't have any advice to add, but I do want to note that, fwiw, I have been in the very deepest depths of despair more than once, and so far those times of misery have always been finite. Things have always gotten better.

Like Blackie, I've been slow at times to shake the blues and rebound from disaster. Listen to his advice!

Tim

[Goes211]

It's gonna sound cliché again, but we all go through these periods, Statik.
Listen to dwoz, and realize he doesn't mean you should stop supporting a family if that's what you are currently doing. But if you aren't, time to re-assess priorities.
You say the artist wants to do it with you, and with you only.
What the reality of all that is, that's for you to evaluate, but a band doesn't go on tour for a month abroad without some sort of support and/or prospects of success. It's just not feasible.
That means there is something there, at least some confidence that you guys are worth it.
Is there some kind of incentive in it for you ? Meaning, can you cut a deal with the artist that should give you even a small piece of the action should there be serious income ?
Some show of confidence for you ?

Meantime, try to cut down your overhead.
Don't sell the kit.

I had a rough year last year. The studio who was my biggest client went tits up, leaving me with 3 months of unpaid invoices. I won't get into details but it put me in a nasty financial corner. And yes, I do support a family. I tried to keep positive even though the burden was heavy (I'd invested a lot of time in that place and the guy who screwed me was a 20 year old friend), and the toll in stress amount quite painful. However, I kept my head above water through massive support from my wife and friends. And that includes many of the people here. Looking at it with hindsight, I was jobless for no more than a month. I had to put in CRAZY hours to work my way back up, but above all, the place I'm working at now provides me with MUCH better artistic opportunities, and the pay is better too.
Had the other place not gone bust, I'd probably not have bothered to even consider the job at the new place. And that's something you have NO vision on when you're with your back against the wall.

Hang in there, sending good vibes your way.
:Coolio:

[Fulcrum]

Whatever you decide, remember, if you do decide to jettison everything and strat from scratch: you got this far before. You can get this far again. You know the way. Not a lot of us are that lucky, or that intelligent.

This too shall pass.

Courage meng.

[Bob Olhsson]

Look at it this way, you just became available to tour! Maybe this crisis will lead to the singer getting it together and raising enough money to pay her band wages they can live on.

If she's really that great, this shouldn't be a problem. If she can't raise the money, maybe she isn't really the opportunity you think. This would have happened anyway sooner or later, if not with you, with another "key" band member.

Sooner is probably best for everybody.

[E. Shaun]

I don't have much to add to this thread that hasn't already been added by the wise folks above, but hey, I've been there too.

A year in a full-time music career college, with the alleged purpose of getting the most keen and motivated students jobs in the industry. Graduating with the second highest GPA in my class, logging the most studio time, then working for the same college as the front desk guy in the evenings, then going into the studio to mix and record after midnights, all the while being absolutely certain that I could catch a break.

Two years of debt, depression, and no momentum to my projects left me broke and disillusioned, and seriously wondering about the point of my life in general.

But...I got out of it, simply by holding out hope for future potential. Clawed my way out of debt, and have still kept all of my ties with the industry, and am ultimately working towards that end again, but with a renewed sense of optimism and vigor, knowing that my disillusionment has been replaced by a much more realistic view of what this business is like, and knowing that my financial instability is behind me.

I don't know if this is meant to "inspire" you or not, Statick, because it's not like a major success story, bringing a vision of triumph to trying times, but like the others above have mentioned, persistence will get you through it.

And don't sell your kit.

[Azraphael]

Statick,

I'm sorry to hear about your unfortunate series of events. And, like others, at the risk of sounding cliched or pedantic, I've got a couple of thoughts for you.

Ultimately, I don't know you or any details of your situation apart from what you've posted here, so forgive me in advance if anything I say sounds like it's coming out of my ass due to my ignorance.

First and foremost, don't sell the kit if you can at all avoid it. Or, since it's valuable vintage kit, only sell it if you replace it immediately with something more suited to your financial situation. Leaving yourself without an instrument will make things worse, not better.

At the end of the day, all us musicians are artists. To me, at least, that means that I express myself emotionally primarily through music. I suspect that you're the same way... most musicians are. A period like this in your life is when you need your music the most. You'll need the outlet. It doesn't matter if it's jamming along with records in your basement on your own.... you still need the outlet.

After all, music is about living, not making a living. If you lose sight of the former, the latter ceases to matter.

I agree with dwoz... take a step or few back and re-evaluate. Decide what's truly important to you, and go from there. If you can make the music work this time around, then more power to you. Sure, it will take sacrifice in some other areas... no one ever said this business was easy. But you're the only who can decide whether those sacrifices are worth it.

At the risk of sounding over-the-top silver lining-ish, I'd like to offer you a thought: Alanis Morissette got dumped, used the experience to write Jagged Little Pill, and sold millions of records. Looks to me like you have broader experience to draw from.

Shit like this is awful to go through, no question about it... but try and use it to your advantage. A string of hard times like you've described is the stuff great albums are made of. Channel what you're feeling into your music, and make something positive come of it.

And, if you can make the band and tour work for you after all, consider this an open offer to save on your hotel costs if/when you hit Toronto by crashing at my place.

All the best, and if there's anything I can do from this side of the Atlantic, please let me know.

Cheers,

Dave

[graveleye]

I was in a very similar situation as you were, so I am once again going to play devils advocate.

I had my own band, playing my music, with musicians who functioned as a unit, and got along as friends. We were fairly active, but I knew we were not going to be "hit" material, since we were playing whatever the f*ck we pleased no matter who liked it or not. To be quite honest, I rather like it that way and still do.

So this other band with a powerhouse female singer suddenly needed a bassist, so I volunteered to fill in. It was the same situation you describe.. the tyrannical "JUMP!"/"How high?" situation. She ruled with an iron fist and it was definatly her call and her show always. We were the backing band. I put up with it because i truly believed she was going somewhere, and I was going to ride along on her coattails. To be truthful - I thought her music SUCKED, but she was such a go-getter, and we all know that sometimes SUCK actually makes a lot of fame and fortune.

I didnt quit MY band, but was definatly putting more time and effort into the other band. I put up with unimaginable shit from this demon woman, for little pay, and no glory. The bitch got a manager one day, which she needed, and suddenly she was well into image and how to dress and all that crap. By this time, I was the guitar player. Suddenly she declares that I need to be a sharp dressing pretty boy. I played along with it, while MY band rolled their eyes at how uncool I had become, and how it just seemed like I was sucking on the tit of this bitch, rather than doing something I believe in.
But you know what? I just wasnt pretty enough, and after 3 years, tons of bullshit, cowtowing and worshipping the throne of this evil, pissy, bitch woman, she fired me and the whole band and hired a newer, prettier band. I believe by now, she has been through 3-4 other bands since - everytime it gets stale or dissent occurs, she fires them.

The beautiful part is that age is catching up with her, she's in forever debt, and since the times and trends have changed, now she doesnt stand a chance in hell of ever getting signed.

Man, dont rely on someone else to get the job done for you.. dont sell you drums, go do something you believe in. I wasted 3 years of my life in my situation. Its not too late for you. Take a break, and get priorities in order, and all the other pieces will fall into place in an order that will more fit your liking.

Good luck man,... hope all works out for you..


(I'll give $20 to whoever can guess who's band I was playing in - if you already know, shhhh. Not yours!)

[Mixerpuppet]

I think there alot of good advice...

Dwoz and Johnny only disagree based upon what your exact situation might be. If you do have a family that relies on a regular income the choices could be different but there are alot of speculative variables that only you can sort out.

I spent probably 15 years pursuing a career and at one point I shelved it for something different. Yeah it was my dream but my dreams changed over time. Experiences can cause dreams to shift.

In one way your in the perfect position to take a leap.

Depending on what your bills are you could take a sabatical for 3 months and tour and see where it goes.

Businesses are easy to close and start up as long as there is huge amounts of debt or capital investments.

I know people that are so addicted to playing live they live in the cheapest places, hardly eat or spend money on anything but getting to that next gig. At that point it's no longer a dream but an infection with no cure.

You could also spend the rest of your life playing average gigs looking for that one big thing that never comes. Is it the finish line or the ride?

What are your real goals?

Write out a 5 year plan of where you want to be and then work the steps backwards...

Regardless though, it seems that you have some reputation stuff you have to deal with first. If rumors start floating about it could limit if not kill future opportunities. I had that happen 2 times to me where I was associated to an event I had no dealing with, but some moron used my name via ignorance and I spent 2 years cleaning it up...

You sound like too many things piled up too quickly like a juggler with too many balls.

Well pick em back up and start again... Keep climbing and pushing and reaching for the next place to grab some traction.

Recording and playing music for me is an addiction. Whether Im doing it for free or being paid makes no difference... Countless failed bands, closed studios and Im still doing it. For me the journey is what I enjoy and journey ends when I die... My family understands and encourages me as long as it's not excessive. I have ADHD with a depression sidecar so that has it's own challenges. (Women make it worse :) )

I never considered it to be walking away from my dream, but rather getting a better run at it...

Take the history of Slipknot for instance...

The number of dominoes and sacrifices that had to fall for the lineup and music to gel into a force was pretty long and painful... Some of them played in several bands at the same time...

Just do it...

Sell what you have to..

Take only what you need...

Sleep where you can...

Eat what you can keep down...

Go Go Go Go Go Go....!!!!!!

Your a Drum Warrior!

[otek]

Statick,


Not much to add to all the great things that have been said so far on this page, and like Blackie I dread to come off sounding like a fucking greeting card.....

I have been where you are, and I totally feel your pain.



Tough it out.



Keep playing.



Keep dreaming.



It will turn.



It will.



And don't. Sell. The Kit.




otek

[volthause]

The problem with society is that we're brought up thinking we need useless shit in our lives and acronyms next to our names to feel self worth. Self worth is earned through life experience, not through a credit report or a degree or a 56" plasma screen on the wall.

Why, when you say that playing music is the one thing that brings you joy, would you quit playing?

Keep the drums. Sell everything else. Beg your friends for couch space when you aren't on the road.

I agree with the sentiment that everything happens for a reason, and that for every door that closes, another one opens, but you should pay careful attention to the actual door that is closing here.

[J.G.]

Waiting in the wings, to see what clings, Statick...

With some good vibes for ya from France, too.

: J

[saxplayerz]

Don't sell the kit !

Come up with a plan to get where you want to go and execute it.

[ella]

Well, not much I could add to the excellent advice and perspectives that have already been written here. I think we've all been there in some form or another. While this doesn't change your position, at least you are not alone in the journey.

One bit from my experience though; definitely hang on to the drums. If indeed you need to place the majority of your focus on financial/biz concerns, maybe try viewing it as an opportunity to expand your musicality. Set the kit up with the snare in the middle and randomly place stuff around it (toms, percussion bits etc.). Play along with the most bizarre odd meter stuff you can find, get a different perspective. Study various ethnic percussion approaches. Or maybe dive into Meters style funk, digging huge deep pockets. Set it up left-handed. Work your technique. Woodshed. With your financial situation stabilizing, there will be no constraints on your creativity or ability to explore and grow. Hell, pick up a cheap bass, get a feel for the way grooves are built from that angle.

If performing is truly in your blood, you will return to it. Something always comes along, as said above a door will be yours to open. By taking this as an opportunity for growth you will have taken control of the situation, no time will have been lost, and you will bring greater musical value to the table when you return.

[magicchord]

Learn how to meditate! It helped me.

Google "self-hypnosis and stress-reduction" to find books on the subject.

Once you can let go of your fear and anxiety, then you can clearly think about how you can best go about improving your situation; you gotta be able to Take Care of Business first and foremost, then following the dream gets easier. It's when you feel it's all hopeless that you find you can't do anything about it.

[McAllister]

1) Don't sell the drums. Put them away, store them, whatever; but don't sell. I know too many guys who sold gear and quit playing only to regret it for YEARS after. Even if they wanted to play again they'd say, "o man, a new kit is so expensive....". So don't sell.

2) Take a break from music. Do your self-employed thing. Store some cash, paint, take walks, juggles, get a massage, etc. Whatever floats the boat. But take a step away from music for a little while. 3 or 4 months. Or more.
During this self-imposed musical exile, you'll start to find out two things: First, what you really miss about playing, and Second, what you really want to do.

3) Focus on those things you miss or want; and only those things. Fuck the rest of them.

Good luck. I'm sorry that the world seems generally shitty and fully fucked right now. That's OK; shit, that's normal. But take care of yourself and your future self by weighing any decisions very carefully - or preferably, defer making them until you don't feel so crappy.

Again, good luck.

M

[Statick]

wow, i never expected this level of response from you guys. thanks go to all of you, reading this thread has been truly inspirational.

think i'd better clear up a few things. first, i don't have kids or family depending on me, i'm a free and single man, however i do have very crippling debts keeping me down at the moment. the business isn't something i can pick up and put down as i please (although it is my intention to get it to that status), it has regular monthly outgoings, which along with my own debts, require my monthly attention. at present, there's no money sitting in any accounts that means i can just put it down for a bit - unless i'm here working, the bills aren't getting paid, and i'm getting in trouble.

the total of these regular outgoings are equivalent to a good house in a good estate - i'm not talking pennies here. when i talk about staring bankruptcy in the face, i mean i have to come up with several thousand £££ within the next few weeks to avoid court appearances for the total of my debt (and enforced bankrputcy)

IYou sound like too many things piled up too quickly like a juggler with too many balls.

here's the one thing i've clearly identified with in this thread. this does actually describe how i feel at the moment. i'm hoping some of these balls are gonna fuck off pretty quickly...

thanks again for your support guys, i do genuinely mean that. and i'm definitely not gonna sell the kit unless i'm forced to... i don't have much else to say at the moment cuz i'm still neck deep in it all, although i'm not feeling quite as submerged as i did yesterday...

[Johnny]

Just to be clear, I didn't think you were supporting a family already; I was talking about the woman you're hoping to meet.

It's good to hear that it's looking a little better to you today. Tomorrow really is another day.

Definitely keep the kit! :)

[bunnerabb]

Let's see.

This last 10 months I got:

Jerked around by a girl who swore she loved me more than any man on God's earth and the second she got her ass buttered up on a plane to the EU by some prat who couldn't get laid in 34 years, she tossed me out of that airplane like a used kotex.

I've had my rep smeared.

All but burned out on my live gig.

Blown more money on gear than I should have. Fancy that.

Am presently dong the odd FOH gig for chump change.

Damn near run out of savings.

And you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm

gonna

finish

this

record.


And you an have my dreams when you can pry my cold, dead fingers from around them.

Period.

Life's fatal and I demand to be remembered for something positive besides the nice gloss on the coffin and the tasty desserts after the funeral.

Fuck it.

I came too far and starved and sweated and paid too many dues to toss my own ass out of the door, now.

I will live on noodles, I will run out of insulin, I will sleep in my car, I will do anything that needs done to get my music out there.

"Take it all
Take my nights and my days
Take it all
Take the sun and the rain
Take it all
Just don't take my dreams away."

© Craig Balzer / Braintree Music - 1979

Kill me, motherfucker. But keep your toes off of my passion.

I hope you make it through this and I hope you keep playing.

I was listening to a disc from a local blues band the other day, with Russ and I said "Who the fuck is that guitar player?"

He told me. A cat we both played with. I thought it was Clapton.

Shivers, man.

He works in a beverage store, now.

I refuse.

Keep paddling, man.

And tell this chick you need a raise.

[Mixerman]

so today i quit the band. not because of "musical differences" or any shit like that. simply because i cannot afford to keep doing it.

this isn't a band that functions as a unit like most bands would - we are a backing band for a singer/songwriter, who i honestly believe is gonna be fucking huge. so, we all know our place (when she says jump, we say how high) but at the same time we are all good friends and we gel very well as a band. think PJ Harvey, it was ultimately all about her, but she used the same band for a very long time because that band were absolutely just right for her. this scenario is similar - it's all about her, but this band is totally fucking perfect and we work well as a band

unfortunately, i'm self employed with business overheads, and require a certain amount per day to flow through the business. gigging with these guys only pays 2/3 of the amount i need tops (in some cases, only 1/3), and that's per show and not per day that i'm away from work. hitting the road means many more days away from work than paying shows, and suddenly when for a period of days i would need say £1000 to go through the business, i've got £300.

the idea was i was going to somehow struggle through the touring on the reduced income, i've managed to muddle through plenty of quiet periods in the past, and given the chance to follow your dreams, who wouldn't jump for it ?

but lately my finances have gotten to the state where i'm nearing bankruptcy (in part due to the last 2 short tours, but obviously there are many other factors involved), and january involves some pretty hefty touring. there's also almost a whole month coming up around april/may which will put me out of the country (not just the region) for the entire duration. a sudden unexpected calamity means i'm almost £1000 down overnight, and reality hit me like a sack of shit today. i've got lots of unpaid bills from last month, those same bills are now due again and i still don't have the money, it's christmas in a month, and i've just burned £1k. i've got letters threatening court action unless i come up with some serious cash, and i cannot be pretending it's all OK anymore.

despite having spent the last 15 years actively pursuing a career in music, and despite the last 2 months being the first time i've actually found a viable future in doing so, being a combination of A) something i fucking love doing, music that i really respect and get great enjoyment from playing, and B) the not-given-lightly (or at all) idea that there is serious potential and a massive market for the music, as well as an album coming out on a very respected and international independant label (their "main" artist is one of the all-time biggest selling artists on the planet) - i've had to turn my back and walk away from it. if i don't, i'll soon be in court over unpaid debts, so i don't really have a lot of choice.

i'm even seriously considering selling my drum kit, which i only bought earlier this year, it's a very rare and valuable vintage kit and is the only thing of any real worth i have which is sellable. unfortunately, it's also my only "real" instrument, everything else i have is either knacked or just plain crap.

so today was an emotional day all round. having wasted a lot of time training, and losing, drummers in the past (i'm drummer #8 or 9 now), she has said she's not going to bother trying to train yet another. she said quite honestly that she feels i'm utterly irreplacable, and if she did spend time training another drummer she wouldn't be satisfied with them anyway. and from my part, if there was any way at all i could keep this going, i would, i would do everything in my power to.

i've also just lost my absolute dream FOH job, due to highly unfair and questionable circumstances, leaving my reputation as an engineer potentially in tatters - something i've worked hard at building over the last few years. it's highly likely i'll get much less (if any) work in this city for the foreseeable future... i was aiming, in the long run, to move away from my day job (i have a pc repair business) and eventually just do engineering and music full time, but that looks highly improbable now. certainly, one guy who owns one of the biggest PA hire companies in this part of the country, and knows most engineers in the area, now thinks i'm a retard (and for completely unfounded reasons).

i have also been utterly heartbroken by girls several times over the last few months, turning me from what was previously the most confident i've ever felt in my life (having finally escaped a stifling and drawn-out failed relationship) into the complete opposite, i am now almost unable to speak to girls at all. i've always had pretty serious confidence issues, so actually having any confidence at all was a major fucking step up in my life, but it didn't last long. this by itself has kept me pretty emotionally unstable for a while, although the intense mood swings and somewhat unstable behaviour had settled lately into just general depression...

but with the events of the last few days, and especially today, i really don't know what i'm doing with myself. i still have a roof over my head (for now), and my physical health is pretty much OK (and i've not started smoking again, which is good, since everything else i've tried lately seems to have failed), so i still have plenty to be grateful for - but i have just managed to walk away from everything i have spent basically my entire life persuing, and right now it feels like a permanent gesture. certainly, the opportunities i've had this year have only come once so far in my life, and i've had to let them go already, and i don't really see them coming again in any massive hurry. so i've spent the best part of the day genuinely trying very fucking hard not to cry or scream or hurt myself or anyone else, and apart from the crying bit i've managed to hold it down.

sorry to be a miserable fucking prick but sometimes you just need to rant about stuff...

Dude,

Been there. Welcome to the fucking music business. Feast or famine. It's the way of the business. I've been on the bottom, man. I've sold stacks of gear for pennies on the dollar. And I've bought new and different gear. You do what you have to do.

It sucks. No way around it. And obvisouly it's a last resort. But if you're giving up your dreams, it's because you can't make a living on your dreams. The fact is, if it's that important to you to follow your dreams, then you're going to have to figure out a way to put yourself in a position to do it. There are many ways to put yourself in this position, but you have to seek them out. You might even have to just postpone your dreams for a moment. Get a job. Hard for me to say from here how you should do it. But it can be done, you just have to find a way.

Mixerman

[Aardvark]

A simple distillation of the above advice.


"Shit happens, wipe your ass."



Perhaps a tad crude but start at the start.






Cheers,
Aardvark

[emtou2u]

Hey Statik - you rock!

Seriously! You have a business that if it can run that much money through it - must have potential - no? Similarly, i have a business that was supposed to have an investor and at the last minute (after signing new leases, etc) this investor went through a divorce and all their assets were frozen)....eeek!!!!

i was left with a 1/2 million renovation, had given my notice on my current lease (which was re-leased already) and my name was on a 9 year lease worth 1.7 million $.

Shit!!!!


my lil' biz does about $200k/month - with about that much in expenses...it's a burden!!! Scary!!! I also have anywhere from 25-40 employees depending on the season. I know the stress - be careful it can kill you!!

the expenses are short term, expansion expenses, debt from moving the biz, etc. of course there is always payroll, taxes, etc. but what helped me the most was an amazing accountant...this person actually called everyone i owed $ to, negotiated much smaller payments then i would have thought acceptable, created a 24 month financial plan, then went as far as pre-writing and pre-addressing each payments letter to go out each month (for 24 months!). i would imagine your debtors don't want you to go bankrupt...they want thier money...i really encourage an amazing accoutant and have them take all your bills and negotiate on your behalf - emotionally (ego) you are too close to the situation.


owing $200,000 that is in dozens of envelopes stuffed all over the office 'cause you don't want to open them....and owing $200,000 that is negotiated for you, completely organized is world's apart.

granted, i'm makin' a bunch of assumptions here - but what really REALLY helped me is outside perspective. it's been 12 of the 24 months - almost all debts are paid except for 2 BIG ones - but they are so happy they get thier itty bitty check each week and they call just to chat.


Perspective.


Distance.


Perseverance.


Regarding the kit...if it's a liability (not paid for, costs you money, cannot ever make you money - then dump it!)

if it's an asset (paid for in full, costs you nothing, could make you money one day - then keep it.)

sounds like it's an asset to me!

if you think you might be literally "forced" to sell it...one might consider selling it to a best friend for a dollar...til your back on your feet? no?

finally, really, (i'm not encouraging it...but) if you have to claim bankruptcy and all your debt disappears...really...who cares? you don't have cancer, you didn't lose your arm in an auto accident, and i know several artists that have had to go through a bankruptcy...again, i don't recommend it...but it's not the scarlet letter it used to be...some pretty savvy biz people use bankruptcy to their advantage. this is where a good lawyer comes in handy.

don't go through all this alone - get mad - get strong - you can do it!!!!!!

besides...what do they say...the first million is the hardest? if you built a biz once - you can do it again!

mucho love to you and strength to you!!!

[bbkong]

My brother,

When you find yourself in between the rock and the hard place, call me. I'll give you a hand.

323 254 0223

Any time.

[blackieC]

Bubba, you have made a grand and kind gesture but the dwindling prudent side of me has got to think that posting your phone number on a public forum may be a mistake.

should you disagree with me, give me a call back at 512-803-2171 and we can work it out.


If I don't answer, try back later.


I gave up caller ID in my plan for unlimited minutes.


That goes for you too Statick.


Just don't expect a live in person reply to be much more in depth than, "Well fuck 'em then, bunch o' fuckin' tossers".

[bbkong]

No big thing, Blackie, my Tejas kin. It's my cell, on my website and all my calls are free.

That offer goes for any of my friends here.

[mousdrvr]

Hey Statick,

Dude I've been that low too and I know how bad it sucks. Please remember to take care of yourself. Ya know eat, sleep, stay warm, exercise maybe. That shit helps, really it does. Also, please do call yer Uncle Bubba. You'll feel better I promise.


-mous

[bbkong]

Mmm.

Just got off the phone with Blackie for an hour.

I had no idea he was part of the Tulsa Mafia.

It's strange how you find kinfolk on the internot, but there you go.

Statick, you got family here. Don't sweat anything.

Pick up the phone!

[binaural turbine]

Statick - at least you have dreams. There are so many people in the world who don't even have those. What a miserable existance that must be. Gobs of good advice in this thread. Don't feel as if you have to face it all alone.

I like Aardy's distillation above. And if you got to go bankrupt, at least go with a lawyer. I had to declare chapter 7 this past March. A month later, I found out my dad had cancer, he died in October. I'm going through a minor medical issue at the moment, myself. Two weeks ago, I was looking at a late car payment, and literally 33 dollars in my checking account. Then the phone rang, and it was work for the next month and a half, doing some carpentry.

I've had to sell all my gear except one guitar and combo amp. I'll be starting over again, because I know I will. I'm going to keep on going until the day they push the start button on the crematorium, hopefully I'll at least be dead when that happens:icon_eek:

[nobby]

Blackie:My greatest mistake was falling in to a black pit of self pity and depression in the aftermath for far longer that I care to relate.


Been there too. Don't let that be you!

Dwoz:On the other hand, the number of bands that were "this close to making it" and never did, is legion

This is a salient point. You have no idea how much talent of every kind there is out there. What you see (or hear) is the tip of the iceberg; much of it is below the radar. I think you may be putting all your eggs in one basket, and that basket may have a hole in the bottom that you can't see.

Just work on being the best you can be as a musician. There will be other opportunities. Most of the people at this site have day jobs or run small businesses. Do what you have to do to pay your bills, but don't let go of your dreams.


Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Aint life unkind?

- M. Jagger/ K. Richards




Oh yeah, how much for the drums?





















KIDDING! Don't sell the drums!

Best to ya, mate.

[Zoesch]

The problem with society is that we're brought up thinking we need useless shit in our lives and acronyms next to our names to feel self worth. Self worth is earned through life experience, not through a credit report or a degree or a 56" plasma screen on the wall.

Why, when you say that playing music is the one thing that brings you joy, would you quit playing?

Keep the drums. Sell everything else. Beg your friends for couch space when you aren't on the road.

I agree with the sentiment that everything happens for a reason, and that for every door that closes, another one opens, but you should pay careful attention to the actual door that is closing here.

I couldn't agree more... keep going, but keep going while doing something you enjoy doing, otherwise you'll find yourself back in the same hole in a few years time.

Good luck buddy!

[dwoz]

One more thing. The bastards can grind you down, but they can't kick you off the planet.

dwoz

[Mixerpuppet]

"Shit happens, wipe your ass."
Cheers,
Aardvark


So do Hemorrhoids.....


Stinky Fingers....


Clogged Toilets....

[Statick]

well her frontwoman and her agent have both decided i'm irreplacable, and me leaving the band is not an option. so they're trying to raise the cash from the label to keep me on board. the agent also said that if i have to sell the kit that i can sell it to him, and continue using it, then buy it back later when i can afford to.

as for the FOH stuff - my main worry was that my rep was ruined from this, and to a certain degree it has been (there's one guy who generates a lot of work in this area, and he's taken a complete disliking to me), but it seems that some of the local guys who work the circuit have heard about what's happened, and have taken my side - and i've been offered a bit of extra work in some other places to help keep my finances up (losing a regular slot just weeks before xmas is no help to anybody). certainly a nice gesture, let's hope it translates into more work on a permanent basis. my one hope now is that the guys I was working for end up moving their night somewhere else, then i can start working for them again !

i've also been offered a car for free, having recently spent £800 on one that then blew up 3 weeks later, so this has helped immensely (i cannot work without wheels, and have no money to be buying another one with)

in other news, the bank are refusing to return the £425 they've charged me over the last 5 weeks for getting into trouble in the first pace, and this is an important amount of money to me at the moment...

[Johnny]

Glad to hear the good news, still praying about the bad.

[magicchord]

Likewise.

[bbkong]

See?

In the face of moving to LA and sleeping on a futon, things will always improve on their own accord.

Pimp, your bedroom is safe.

[Unfcknblvbl]

Glad to hear the good news, still praying about the bad.

+1 !!!

[Scodiddly]

Wow - first off, sorry to hear about all this. Definitely tough times, and it's definitely not fun. Another vote of support!

I can't say I've been in as tough a spot, but I can certainly appreciate the stress and the "what now?" aspect - a few years ago I burned out on my career as a software developer. If I'd stuck with it much longer I would have had a nervous breakdown, but luckily I had the sense to escape before it got too bad.

Things I've learned:
1. We have more time than it seems to meet our dreams. I know a lot of people, myself included, who've been through a career or two (or an instrument or three) and who have finally found something that really does fit.
2. Instruments are good... skills are better. Don't sell the drumset if you can't get a decent deal, but beyond that don't worry too much about it. I'd give up every instrument I own, even the 1969 P-bass I got in high school, rather than give up even my right-hand pinky.
3. It sucks being single (that I *do* know a lot about :Sad: ), but I'd rather be single and sane than be stuck in an insanity-inducing career to keep supporting a family.

Life can be *extremely* tough, and I hope things clear up soon for you.

[blackieC]

Good on ya Statick!

Just keep playing brother.


I lost sight of it for a while but I expect my own candle will be re-lighted in about eighteen hours.

I should probably be sleeping now but I am stoked with the prospect that I too will soon be making with the rock.

You're never too old.

It's never too late.




Until you see the daisies above you, then you still have a fightng chance.


Don't ever give up fighting.

[Statick]

woah. some new progress on the FOH thing. seems the reasons i thought i got kicked out for were WAY down the list. there's a much bigger reason, and it's not something that i was ever aware had even happened.

someone fucked with the main drive rack and moved all the crossover points, and took all the limiters off the crossover outputs. basically, all the dark voodoo shit that you don't touch on a PA unless you built it yourself, all got played with.

if i knew that someone had done this, i would personally request that that person never be allowed anywhere near the fucking rig ever again. they are a fucking liability.

seems these guys made the right decision, but they shot the wrong guy. and did so without any discussions to allow any possibility that it might be the wrong guy to come out.

thanks to a mutual friend, all of this just came out in the open today. hopefully it'll all be sorted soon, the mutual friend is doing his best to even things out. i don't reckon i'll ever want to work there again, but if i can at least undo the damage done to my reputation then its a fucking good thing. basically.

[Spock]

I'm glad to hear you are getting things worked out.


This is one of the reason you hear people say, get it in writting. If someone cans you, get them to clearly and completely state what they see as the problem.

[nobby]

Glad to hear things are taking a turn for the better.

I'm thinking that some day in the future, someone will be relating a tale of woe, and you will be using this one to illustrate how you weren't always a great success and that they just need to stick it out :Thumbsup:

[blackieC]

Damn glad to see that things are turning around for you Statick.


If watching My Name is Earl has taught me anything, it's that karma is real.

Do bad things, and bad things happen.

Do good things, and good things happen.


Thus spake Earl.

[nobby]

I'll leave you with a classic (can't find the full Sinatra version).

http://youtube.com/watch?v=SZ41ArFTgDA

That's Life
Kay/ Gordon

That's life, that's what all the people say.
You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune,
When I'm back on top, back on top in June.

I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks,
Stompin' on a dream
But I don't let it, let it get me down,
'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.

That's life
I tell ya, I can't deny it,
I thought of quitting baby,
But my heart just ain't gonna buy it.
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself laying flat on my face,
I just pick myself up and get back in the race

That's life
That's life and I can't deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out
But my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shakin' come this here july
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die
My, My

[knightsy]

Well Statick mate, I'm turning my back on the studio I've been happily snuggled away in for 2 years now. Things came to a head with the owner of the building (he switched the aircon off on me as a was mixing today), and I've told him I'm moving out.

To greener pastures.

Pastures that involve mixing rather than recording. That is if I can demonstrate to the musicians in this town that you can indeed track at one studio and mix at another.

Crisis = Danger/Opportunity

[pianodano]

Hi, Statick. I'm another guy a continent away, etc., but I'm really sorry to hear of your difficulties. I'd just like to encourage you with a couple of things.

Number one: I'm going to pray for you until I hear your situation is better.

Number two: I want to commend you for making a very hard decision in a very responsible and mature way. You're doing the right thing in managing your business and providing a living for yourself. I know at the moment it seems like you are abandoning your hopes and dreams, but this isn't what I see happening in your post at all. Instead, I see you establishing yourself to have a better shot at pursuing those things. You need to have resources to try to make something happen in the music business, and you need to establish yourself as a responsible breadwinner to provide for the right woman and a family. In making the choices you've made, you are getting nearer those goals, not cutting them out of your future.

Bands come and go, and who knows what musicians may come into your life tomorrow? Maybe even this same band, or members of it. You've proven your worth and that kind of value doesn't just go away.

I encourage you to think of this period as a season of preparation. Maybe even get on a new practice routine or even study some new styles with a teacher. Get yourself out of debt and then sock some away for the next tour. Stuff like that.

You obviously care a great deal about what you do. I know from your posts in the past how important music is to you. This crap is temporary. And you love music. Enjoy it. Good things will come out of that. Satisfying things.

This post is worth repeating.

Don't sell your drums - somehow try your best to keep them. There will be better days ahead and you will need them then. I'd bet most of us have had similar experiences and somehow survived intact but it can seem devastating. Just don't let life pass you by - there's a big world out there and it doesn't revolve around music. Something worth thinking about that I learned a long time ago; A true musician is not a profession - it's a state of mind.

Very best to you,

Danny

[mark714]

Sometimes it is hard to admit that making money playing music is farther from reality than it seems.

I do make my living playing music. I also make about 1/4 of what I made as a Network Engineer just out of college. I quit my job thinking I'd be able to sell at least 100cds a week with my eyes closed. My first thousand went in less than 6 months and I thought that wasn't very good. I was wrong... it was great by most indie standards in my area. After that first 1000, it gets tougher.

As you know, this is not an easy thing to do, and after 3 years of plugging away I'm in about the same boat as you are - ready to give up every other day. Then that next song pops out... The difference for me is I'm the singer/songwriter and I'm the one that's been through 8-9 drummers, a few bass players, keyboard players, 100 gigs and zero rehearsals, shit man... you name it.

Unfortunately your credit card company isn't going to care how promising your band is, so you gotta do what you have to do as a responsible adult.

Holding out for a payday with one group is probably not a great approach to take to making a reasonable living playing music. Being in one band is a romantic idea that so many musicians are married to, but face it ~ the odds are stacked against you!

If you are in one group and one group only, you are not afforded the autonomy necessary in order to be profitable. That, and your band will never appreciate you. Remember the rules of supply and demand.

If you are a good drummer, then become a GREAT drummer ~ and get yourself in the scene wherever you are. Play with EVERYONE that is worth a shit and become the guy everyone wants to have sit in or hire for sessions. Once you do that, you'll be able to pick your spots and you drive up your demand. In the meantime you can pick up at least $100USD per gig hiring yourself out. Do that to get your chops where they need to be and to help yourself out financially. Keep the drums, they are your second source of income.

That is, unless there is a woman and/or kids at home, at which point just go to work and enjoy your drums when you are fortunate enough to have time to play them.

Best of luck... just be smart and it'll all work out.

[Flipper]

Statick,

I think we all have an inkling of what you are going through. I'm aware that it sounds as trite as anything when I say hang in there...things will get better, but in time it will happen.

Lose the junk in your life - physically and metaphorically.

Only keep the good stuff.

Put your head down and get your business sorted out.

Move forward from there.

Don't sell the kit.




Best wishes.


Cheers,
Tim

Statick i have no fucking idea what your experienceing and i don't pretend to mate . However Tim's words make a good deal of sense i think anyway..

Good luck mate..

Flip