Stupind Things said on mic

[saxplayerz]

What are some of the stupid things folks have said on mic during your gigs ??

[solomon2]

once had a leader who was being bothered by a lot of people asking for birthday recognition.After the 4th in a row, he makes an announcement " Happy 80th birthday to Aunt Sophie and thats the last one".

or the time that a kid made a speech to the bat mitzvah girl where he mentioned that " we've shared salty discharges together" I think he meant tears but it didn't come off that way

[Drummerboy]

A few years ago we had a gig at a "drinks-are-free-the-whole-night"-party. We were our own support band, dressed up as munks, playing nothing but cover songs. We called ourself "die bunten tunten" (thats german for "the colored queers") and we claimed that we're from germany (we're swiss).

Our singer got terribly drunk before our first gig and was totally into the concept of "we're our own german support band". So at the gig, he got up on stage, absolutely plastered. It was embarassing. After the first song he yelled "Hallo zusamm', wirrrrr sind die Bunten Tunten aus dem Deutschen Rrrrrreich" (Hey there, we're the colored queers from the german reich), doing kind of a hitler impersonation. The audience looked like this: :icon_eek:

That was our last gig that we played drunk.

[ggunn]

What are some of the stupid things folks have said on mic during your gigs ??

Oh, I've got one.

I was running FOH for this cover band, and they had a keyboard guy that sang male lead and a somewhat naive girl that sang female lead. The guy often altered the words to songs in subtle ways to alleviate his boredom.

After the end of his, um, slightly altered rendition of "I Wanna Be Sedated" she leaned over to the guy singer and started talking to him in what she thought was a low enough tone where it would not be picked up by the mic. She was wrong. She said (and the audience heard):

"What does 'fellated' mean?"

and then

"Why is everyone laughing?"

[dnafe]

Scenario - Playing in a big logging town that had a bunch of Green Peace advocates protesting the plant

Faux pax - our lead singer invites the chief protester up on stage to speak...to a bar full of loggers.

Can you say DUH!

Needless to say we played to an empty bar for the balance of the week and had to deal with one pissed off club owner the whole time...to his credit he didn't kick our asses out on to the street with a hardy Hi-ho!

[Azraphael]

We had a show a while back where we simply coulnd't get our facts straight. Between the lead singer and I, we managed to get the name of the club wrong (3 times), 2 opening act names wrong, the day of the week wrong, and the name of my singer's gf's band wrong.

It was just one of those nights.

Cheers,

Dave

[LouMan]

The guy often altered the words to songs in subtle ways to alleviate his boredom.



I'm guilty of this myself but usually only at band practice.

But this one time while playing that Tommy Tutone (8675309) song, instead of singing "You don't know me but you make me so happy" I sang "You don't know me but I'll show you my pee pee".

Only one woman up in front gave me a funny "wtf" look...

Another time, we were playing in a bar on the night before father's day. Once midnight hit, I wished all the dad's a happy father's day and said "I hope you all get a steak and a bj for father's day".

Lou

[bunnerabb]

Various snippets of FOH gigs:

From Talent:

"This is a classy joint. We can't say the fuck word!"

"If this band was a horse, they'd shoot it."

"Well, I hope you're happy, Round House. You just killed our lead singer". ( He was life-flighted off the island an hour later with alcohol poisoning and inspired one regular to have T-shirts made that said "Life Flight Frequent Flyer".)

"Nice shirt. You look like the referee at a lesbian square dance."

From Patrons:

"Can you play Duran Duran?"

"I'm not a DeeJay, miss."

"Come on, play Duran Duran?"

"We have a jukebox for the breaks."

"Come on! You can do it for meee!"

"Miss.. There's an actual,live band playing up there, at the moment."

"Oh."

[ggunn]

Various snippets of FOH gigs:

From Patrons:

"Can you play Duran Duran?"

"I'm not a DeeJay, miss."

"Come on, play Duran Duran?"

"We have a jukebox for the breaks."

"Come on! You can do it for meee!"

"Miss.. There's an actual,live band playing up there, at the moment."

"Oh."

A problem that cover bands run into all the time is from, uh, patrons who think that if you can play some cover songs, you can play any cover song. On the spot, with no rehearsal.

We were playing a wedding one time, and a somewhat drunk woman from the crowd kept coming up to the stage asking us to play some Donna Summer song that we didn't know, and every time she got more and more indignant that we (in her view) refused to play it just to spite her. "C'mon! It's such a simple song that anybody could play it." I offered her my guitar (not that I'd have really given it to her), which infuriated her further. She went away mad, but at least she went away.

[jimmy v]

Drunk guy yelling,"play slow motion walter!" Me,"Huh?" drunk guy,"Play slow motion walter the fire engine guy!!!" Me,"Huh?" Drunk guy,"Deep Purple stupid!!!!" Me "Aaaahh"

[Brendo]

Oh, I've got one.

I was running FOH for this cover band, and they had a keyboard guy that sang male lead and a somewhat naive girl that sang female lead. The guy often altered the words to songs in subtle ways to alleviate his boredom.

I don't know if anyone knows "Run to Paradise" by the Choirboys, but every time we play it, the line "You only ever did it just for fun" always becomes "Leigh only ever takes it up the bum" (Leigh is our keyboardist/other guitarist)... last chorus, the "Open your eyes up" becomes "Open your thighs up".

Also, in 500 Miles (Proclaimers), the "La-da-dat-dah! La-da-dat-dah! Da-duh-lun da-duh-lun da-duh-lun da-duh-lah-lah-lah" becomes "Shove it up ya! Shove it up ya! Shove it up, shove it up, shove it up, shove it up yer arse!"

[Spock]

Our front man has said, "...after those songs I need to check with my cardiologist."

I've had a guy stand 5 feet aways from me, while I'm playing, both hands on the keys, in ear monitors in, and he keeps trying to ask me something. It would have been hard to hear even without the in ears. I caught a short second where I could free one hand, pulled one out, and then heard him ask.

"Yo, yo, yo, the young lady wants to know if yous guys know any Jay-Z," he said pointing to some crack whore. Now this is after two sets of playing British Invasion covers.

I have to watch our drummer, if some hot chick asks for some song he will insist that we can play it. The last time he did it, the bass player and I asked him to write down all the words and chords to the song.

[clicktrack]

Aardy and I were talking about this very thing recently.

Not only stuff said on mic, but also on clear-com, talkback etc.

I had a few incidents, but I think this one was one of my "classics".

I cut my teeth as a house tech in a roadhouse theatre. Every day was a different show...from symphony orchestras to punk concerts to community events. The house was a restored vaudeville house that was built in 1920.

The restoration left some things to be desired and there were some obvious "effects" left over...like the pipes moaning in the booth.

This was one of those things that, being an old building, was fairly localized. If someone was in one specific stall in the ladies bathroom and they flushed, the pipes that ran beneath the booth would moan like a new cow-foal. It was only heard in the booth (which is why it was never fixed) and we took to calling it "the cow".

We in the crew repeatedly joked about "the cow" and would sometimes imitate.

We're doing the "Miss Brampton" show. This is the local pageant that feeds into the "Miss Canada" which leads into the "Miss Universe" pageants. So, for some, this is a big thing. So there are 30 girls in the dressing rooms, all primping and throwing attitude (relax..its only miss brampton for god's sake). Its that part of the show where each girl goes up, one by one, and says how, if chosen, she was going to promote world peace, yada yada.

So contestant #3 goes on stage, a girl who was very attractive, however had more of an "average" figure than the stick thin anorexic look that these pageants preferred.





She starts her plea for peace.





The toilet in the ladies room flushes.





The pipes moan.





What does your good ol' Click do? I state "Jeez...the cow just went off again."

Of course, I realize all too late that my clear-com was on.

And, we had the squak boxes in the dressing rooms on for the backstage stage manager.

Sooo I'm thinking that all 30 chicks just heard me call someone a cow.


Oh shit.


This is not good.


Needless to say, that lesson in humility has endured and to this day I'm VERY cautious with Com and talkback operations.

[Swafford]

Well, of course I've never said anything stupid on the mic....well, there was the time at an intimate folk show I told someone at a table near the stage to "Shut the fuck up"


.....oh and there was the time in Worcestor, Ma. about 1990 I was opening for a Lesbian lounge act, and one of the many women in attendance yelled at me, after me singing a particularly poignant song about wanting to have sex with this young lady back in Ohio, "Misogynist!". Doe eyed and moved, I replied "Well, I give a good massage, but I'm not a professional. But for you, my sweet young thing, for you, I'll rub your shoulders when I'm done". Yeah, I was popular that night.

Anyway, the most stupidest thing ever seen with a mic (in a photolab I worked in I saw a picture of a guy with a 5 D-battery maglight shoved up his ass, his hand around his cock - that took some gumption to drop that film off), so what was the subject...

oh yeah, stupid things HEARD on a mic - that would have been the drummer of a local band, who, in a 500 seat venue stopped the show, called his girlfriend from stage, and into the mic and phone, told her how much he loved her and missed her and that the next song was for her. Killed their whole dynamic, put rock and roll in Cincinnati back 5 years and made most of the crowd laugh in disgust. Yet another example of why drummers should not get mics.

[ggunn]

put rock and roll in Cincinnati back 5 years...

To what, about 1920? ;^)

[bunnerabb]

Clear-Coms.

Oi.

1983, Dallas Texas, the Dallas Communications Complex. Rehearsals for the David Bowie Serious Moonlight Tour.

Alan Branton was the LD. We had these plastic Roman columns as stage props, all were internally lit and one moved on motorised wheels.

Alan on the coms: "What do you think of the column look?"

Some bloke on spot 7: "It's kind of iffy."

Alan: "Who said that?"

Bloke on spot 7: "Spot 7"

Next morning, spot 7 is in the lobby with all of his shit and didn't work there anymore.

Of course, one morning we came in and Stevie Ray wasn't there and Earl Slick was on stage but that was a money issue.

[jerryskid]

Redneck Pike County Ohio, 1979......We played a place called The Hilltop for a 4 night stand......


Thursday night 2nd set big fight breaks out......

Friday night 2nd set, a big fight breaks out.....

Saturday night 2nd set, a HUGE fight breaks out.......


Sunday night start of the 3rd set I mention...."How come we haven't seen a fight tonight?"....seconds later a chair goes flying across the room, and the place erupts........


I almost went to jail for inciting a riot.........:grin:

[bunnerabb]

Note to self:

Sarcasm is lost on rednecks.

:lol:

[Droolbucket]

Note to self:

Sarcasm is lost on rednecks.

:lol:

Whudja mean by that, boy?!?

BillyBob Bucket

[Swafford]

To what, about 1920? ;^)

Well, let's see, the year was 2001 and Mark Twain once quppied, he "Wanted to die in Cincinnati, it's always 20 years behind the times". So that makes it about 1985 here. Currently we're seeing an explosion of hair metal and white guys rapping. Chicks have multiple bangles in their hair, have teased bangs and will have sex without a rubber; guys are digging punk rawk, mohawks and meth...yep, about 1985.

[Droolbucket]

Well, let's see, the year was 2001 and Mark Twain once quppied, he "Wanted to die in Cincinnati, it's always 20 years behind the times". So that makes it about 1985 here. Currently we're seeing an explosion of hair metal and white guys rapping. Chicks have multiple bangles in their hair, have teased bangs and will have sex without a rubber; guys are digging punk rawk, mohawks and meth...yep, about 1985.

Heck, Cincinnati is on the cutting edge as far as Ohio goes. Here in the sticks of Ohio, you can still get tickets to see Johnny Cash.

On a double bill with Tennesse Ernie Ford.

And buy their latest 8-track tape during intermission.

Droolbucket

[Spock]

Well, of course I've never said anything stupid on the mic....well, there was the time at an intimate folk show I told someone at a table near the stage to "Shut the fuck up"


:lol: :lol:

[ggunn]

Well, of course I've never said anything stupid on the mic....well, there was the time at an intimate folk show I told someone at a table near the stage to "Shut the fuck up".

I once saw David Bromberg do a solo gig at a small club here in Austin, and there was a guy sitting at a table right down front talking very loudly. Bromberg started singing and playing more and more quietly, but the guy didn't get the hint. Then he moved away from his mic and turned off the feed to the PA from his guitar and kept singing and playing, and the guy STILL didn't get it. Bromberg then walked to the front of the stage right in front of the guy and stood there silent while the guy just jabbered away. Bromberg was incredulous. He looked down at the guy and yelled "HEY!" The guy stopped talking and looked at him. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" There was a burst of supportive applause from the audience, and the show went fine after that.

[Swafford]

I once saw David Bromberg do a solo gig at a small club here in Austin, and there was a guy sitting at a table right down front talking very loudly. Bromberg started singing and playing more and more quietly, but the guy didn't get the hint. Then he moved away from his mic and turned off the feed to the PA from his guitar and kept singing and playing, and the guy STILL didn't get it. Bromberg then walked to the front of the stage right in front of the guy and stood there silent while the guy just jabbered away. Bromberg was incredulous. He looked down at the guy and yelled "HEY!" The guy stopped talking and looked at him. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" There was a burst of supportive applause from the audience, and the show went fine after that.

Great story, I feel affirmed in my pathological profanity!

David is one of my heros from when I was in high school and a good reason I ever did what I do. I had the great opportunity to open for him last February during the Bromberg Quartet tour. Following my sound check we were chatting and though I had been a huge fan, I sheepishly admitted I hadn't been paying much attention to what he's been doing since about 1979 (goddamn that punk rock!), though I stil frequently spin Wanted Dead or Alive and How late'll You Play Till on the record player. I asked him what he'd been up to and he grinned that huge grin and put one of his rather large hands on my shoulder and said "Man, I've been waiting to see you again". What a fucking gentleman. Great show, too.

[ggunn]

Great story, I feel affirmed in my pathological profanity!

David is one of my heros from when I was in high school and a good reason I ever did what I do. I had the great opportunity to open for him last February during the Bromberg Quartet tour. Following my sound check we were chatting and though I had been a huge fan, I sheepishly admitted I hadn't been paying much attention to what he's been doing since about 1979 (goddamn that punk rock!), though I stil frequently spin Wanted Dead or Alive and How late'll You Play Till on the record player. I asked him what he'd been up to and he grinned that huge grin and put one of his rather large hands on my shoulder and said "Man, I've been waiting to see you again". What a fucking gentleman. Great show, too.

How Late'll You Play Till, that's something I need to get on CD.

I'm glad to hear that DB is still gigging.

[micguy]

We're a "new wave" band playing nothing but originals (this is a few years ago, and have gotten booked into a biker bar. Oddly, most of the folks there are tolerating us, but this one huge, drunk biker keeps yelling "play some ZZ Top" between songs.

Halfway through our set, he's still at it, getting drunker, louder, and more insistent every song, until.....

Our Drummer (who has a mic on, because he sings some) says "Here's some ZZ Top for you. All I can think of is, "sure, you're behind us and the kit. We'll be dead by the time he gets to you. Thanks for risking our lives."

But then, an odd thing happens. The drummer launches into one of our tunes (which normally wouldn't be mistaken for ZZ Top), and the guy (thinking it IS ZZ Top) starts dancing wildly, works himself into a complete frenzy, and then (thankfully) passes out, and falls to the floor, taking out a few chairs and a small table on the way. The bar owner comes over, takes his keys off him so he can't drive home, and suddenly we're a bit cooler in everyone else's eyes, having dealt with the obnoxious guy.

I swear, I though it was gonna be a brawl, but we got out of there in good shape.

The moral of the story - a good drummer is one with good timing. One song earlier....

[imagineaudio]

Now, I am big fan but:

supidest thing said on mic (http://youtube.com/watch?v=5iQZEBBg7hE)

what a moron.