Fuck this shit. In 2008, I insist on being Bob's Revolutionary #1.

[Wolf]

Fuck this shit, I won't be kept down this time.

I thought I'd be able to do a nice, polite little introduction. Start the new year off with cucumber sandwiches and a polite bow - down 2 3, up 2 3 - Maxine Powell would be proud. Third person bio, how genteel.

So here's a guy playing music since elementary school, also an a/v tech geek since junior high. Orchestras - choirs - string quartets, 10-20 hours a week on the viola, 4 ensembles/week x 10+ years. Clarinet dabbling, no good. Classical and big band music oozing out young ears, forced to hear the opera each Saturday. Mostly respectable. Mentored in sound, lights, video by some pretty knowledgeable dudes. Knew since 16 he wanted to produce records. Tinkered with home computers since way back.

Studied theory in college. Noticed "common practice era of harmony" continued into the Beatles and KROQ despite academic denial this was possible. Jazz drummer explained that music can and usually should happen between metronome clicks. White kid learned a bit of groove. Took killer programming classes about linked lists. Later discovered small school actually taught this stuff better than my boss's Caltech classes.

Got to play Minimoog and Rhodes when they were just old, not vintage. Learned analog editing with 3/4 U-Matic (+- 5-15 frames or so) and Fostex 1/4" 8 track. Learned MIDI with Opcode Vision, D50, Proteus. Miss 'em all except the 3/4". Made ass of self in online forums since dial-up BBS days. Swore off online forums. Lapsed but certain can quit any time, this time...

Got nicely useless, well-rounded degree.

If he'd have had any idea such things could be done, this guy would have been a tape op and worked up through the whole internship thing back when it was possible. Had no clue there was such a system until after it had crashed.

to be continued....

[Wolf]

Age 20's and 30's: Crappy day jobs, increasingly complicated software work. Learned keys, bass, a bit of drumming, played in awesome bands that occasionally got out of the basement, playing to amazed swirling hippie crowds.

Played in church bands though more mystical/agnostic than most of the lyrics there. However, G to Bb and the chance to be up front is pretty cool, even if the theology's screwy. Starting to noodle on guitar.

Much better day jobs. Optimistically bought and desperately sold off Amigas (no Toasters), DX7, two V-Drums sets, HR824's, 01V, other wild stuff.

Closing in on 40 now, always felt he had to have a day job be his own patron for music on the side. Worked for four fortune 500's and two of the fastest growing dot-com's, usually while getting away with having long hair. Built solid corporate chops such as ass-kissing, running killer meetings, project management, serving hidden agendas that must not be named, DayTimer and PalmPilot operations. Assembled basic home studio, lost it in dot-com meltdown, started to piece it back together again.

Bulldozers shoveled more abusive shit into unwitting life - all said to be necessary and unavoidable in the name of love, in the name of God, in the name of Big Business. How tiring. Put remaining gear in storage. Slept in car. Lost most friends and family. Inspired to learn about people now comfortable in Malibu who also had slept in cars and had to go it alone.

Roof over head, ten different roofs in a year. Learned that world's dumbest job is, literally, sorting rocks all evening, but it pays enough for McDonald's the next morning. More tiring.

to be continued...

[Wolf]

Relocated to where he never thought he'd visit let alone live. Back to computer geek work, got a house, set the gear up again. Discovered Womb forums. Read and listened to almost everything here. Getting some self confidence at last with counseling to help sort out other people's BS from own thoughts & intuitions.

Finally got some things worth saying and some musical skills to say 'em, along with some hard won collaboration & catalyst ability.

Finally realizing the chaos Bob O talks about gives a chance to reboot his life into having a music career at last. Software & Internet skills a plus. Zero tolerance of *avoidable* BS is now a plus. Compassion a plus. Hard won wisdom a plus. Project management skills a plus. Hope that skills navigating *unavoidable* BS won't be as important in future life.

Figuring maybe a year to do SWOT analysis, make biz plan, assemble team and funding, hang out shingle. Probably like Chinese combo with one from each column: compose soundtracks, write songs, produce, mix, program, have band for convention & winery type gigs.

Should add up to enough calories for a life. Especially with a strong team. Got some ideas who might be on that team.

Got some ideas that might be unique and valuable about how to contribute to BobO's revolution. Blue Ocean Strategy, meet house parties. Built To Last, meet the Streaming Podcasters.

My cunning new business model: write, play, perform, record shit people like to hear, sell it to 'em at a profit. Seemed to work for Motown and Hearts of Space for a while...

All that's true.

But.

to be continued...

[Wolf]

Instead, I gotta say, also true:

Guy with mystery disease that might be MS, had to drop out of work in '07 and lose insurance, trying to navigate county health system to get diagnosis & treatment. Hopes to have that figured out in a few months.

Got a few hours a day of feeling sorta OK. Too wiped out to debug code like before. Still OK for light business writing and playing a few tunes, but not for a consistent schedule.

At same time:
Partner with breast cancer, seems like it's all out but chemo is hell and triggers unresolved PTSD panic attacks. She at least should be out of the woods in a few months. She has a background in journalism, tech support, and Photoshop, among other stuff.

Despite talents, chemo's lovely "brain fog" means no day job for her for a while, not even part time.

Hard to make plans in these circumstances. Scrambling to stay afloat. Health problems made us both lose life savings and get trashed credit. At least she has insurance from previous work - pays for most of rent, and her prescribed toxins, and new surgery to fix previous botched old surgery.

Found a great business mentor on barter. She advises us, we update her Web site. Turns out there's some legitimate home based work we can start up to pay bills and buy food. Involves writing boring marketing stuff companies like to farm out to freelancers. Intermittent sick days not a problem because this stuff has deadlines on the scale of weeks.

A way to consistently pay utils & food even while wiped out. Then we can make a music biz plan. And pay for some medical help for me, beyond county's help to paupers. Happy, confidence, joy.

Plan B: dump the music gear to keep the utilities on, buy more ramen, make the damn home based copywriting happen NOW.

Buzzed and not just from the coffee.

Then the bad news arrived.


To be continued...

[Wolf]

Came home tonite from coffee shop meeting with biz mentor. House burglarized. Back door smashed in. Music gear gone. Unclear if insurance will reimburse for what we don't have pix proving. If we have 'em, these pix are most likely in camera that was stolen. No affadavits allowed. Worried.

Burglars let me keep the Emu 0404, SM57, crappy acoustic guitar, cheap amp, mic and guitar stands, bookshelf stereo, and half-alive AKG 240 cans. And the pair of AKG 3000's in the case in the dresser. And the external USB hard drive.

Fortunately they were mediocre burglars.

Only have laptop because it was taken to coffee shop. Laptop still has Cubase, Sonar, Live (all LE), Phrazor, unlicensed Reaper, lotsa killer VSTi's and fx.

If you get a hell of an offer soon on a K2500SX, 01X, XBoard 61, guitar, or bass, they might well be mine - I can validate patches I made on the programmable items.

I ain't from New Jersey, but dammit, I know how to say WHAT THE FUCK :icon_eek: Evil! . Think I've earned the right to sing the blues.

Hope your new year starts off on a better foot than mine. That won't be too hard, y'know.

I got a few dumb questions and a few half-smart answers to share here. Looking forward to making a contribution here. Future essays likely shorter than this.

The one thing I am truly grateful for is that no minor children are involved in this nightmare.

Looking forward to hearing Mixie and the Saint's discussion of where the biz might be going next.

Fuck this shit, I won't be kept down this time.

Oh yeah, gotta choose an online handle. Might as well call me the Wolf.

- Wolf
"The howl of the wolf is primal and penetrating. They howl to find other pack members or to let wolves from outside of the pack know their territory boundaries." - "Animal Totems" by Sayahda