AMS NEVE can swoggle my nutz.

[Slipperman]

Hi.

Here to try out the new gear forum and hopefully, help set the tone for post content and forum etiquette.

I'd like to start talking shit and causing trouble right away, as opposed to something we grow into gradually.

So here's my post about AMS/Neve, a company I will NEVER be doing "repair" business with EVER AGAIN.


Sure is great that people can come on here and say shit like:

"Hey!!! Fuck those jokers at AMS/Neve repair, they just returned my 33609JD. Took forever to get it turned around..., overcharged the fuck outta me AND it looks like they let Helen Keller put the unit back together.

Front face is all wobbly now. Knobs feel loose.

Basically... a TOTALLY SHITTY job all around.

But, in the new, confusing, and TOTALLY TANGENTIAL forum style I'm hoping the endorse/establish/enforce.

HOLY SHIT am I FUCKING GLAD I've got this thing back. It just does SOMETHING to the parallel compressed buss for the drums that nothing else does quite as much to my liking.

BTW. I'd like to continue to get off on the wrong foot here by intimating(without actually CLAIMING as much) that I have either OWNED or USED REPEATEDLY... every single piece of audio equipment ever made by ANY MANUFACTURER AT ANY TIME.




I also have a penis the size of a baby's arm and own access/egress rights to the Midtown Tunnel.




OK. Let me launch into a few ad hominem attacks.




I would like to go on record as stating that William "Walt Witless" Whitman is a dogmatic elitist bastard who I will most certainly eventually kill in a most interminable and tenebrous fashion... Maybe with a single plastic drink stirrer.

Should take weeks.

And remember... I'm the guy who invented the "Fillet your cock like a trout and pour salt in it, then sow it back up and force you to drink gallons of water" torture method.

Which is now standard Modus Operandi in torture chambers the world over.

Also:

Kenny Goya(full line of Latino-marketed food products available in any Barrio) knows LESS THAN NADA about hardware, as he has been trapped in "sounds like cock and balls" softieworld since he was fired at Sabella for peeing in Billy Joel's Champagne Punch and groping Cristie BrinksTrucks skinny ass in the freight elevator. Which was like.... 78'.

If "Otek" shows up to pretend he knows what the fuck he's talking about... I would just like to direct your attention to the fact that he spends most of his year, swaddled in animal fur, raping and pillaging North Europe(and it's suburbs) and has been know to declare aloud, at public gatherings: "Best Whale Blubber in world, even more better than seal for lubricating victim".

E-cue is an Amek shill. He is a huge proponent of the vaunted AMEK VD(Virtual Dynamics) system and will use it to (virtual) exclusion of all others. A giant in the Hindu Bluegrass market, he nonetheless secretly longs to make high profile Rap and R&B records, and hopes someday to make "real records" which give him "real sales and critical awards like Slipperman". His Idol. Who can blame the kid for dreaming? Keeps him going. Poor sot.

Mixerman has zero credibility on gear related matters. He used to have a moderate amount of juice, in spite of the fact that he repeatedly referred to LED's as "blinkys", faders as "slideumz", and the 2-buss as "THE MAIN SOUND CONTROLLER".

Then he went ITB for religious reasons and is no better than Kenny.

Which...

Upon further consideration...

Is possibly the single most cruel and terrible thing I have ever typed on the internot.

However true.



OK. I'm almost done trying to "set the tone" here.

Uhmmm.


Whoops....

Nope.... nothing else off the top of me noggin'.

Oh no.... wait.

An opening salvo in our brave new world.

TO WALT WITLESS:

MCI: Highest quality audio gear line of all time... get over it.

You may now all commence to kiss my ass and hail me as the insuperable audio genius/visionary that I am.

Best regards,

Thrill Factor(Geoff Emerick)

[Kenny Gioia]

Hi.

Here to try out the new gear forum and hopefully, help set the tone for post content and forum etiquette.

I'd like to start talking shit and causing trouble right away, as opposed to something we grow into gradually.

So here's my post about AMS/Neve, a company I will NEVER be doing "repair" business with EVER AGAIN.


Sure is great that people can come on here and say shit like:

"Hey!!! Fuck those jokers at AMS/Neve repair, they just returned my 33609JD. Took forever to get it turned around..., overcharged the fuck outta me AND it looks like they let Helen Keller put the unit back together.

Front face is all wobbly now. Knobs feel loose.

Basically... a TOTALLY SHITTY job all around.

But, in the new, confusing, and TOTALLY TANGENTIAL forum style I'm hoping the endorse/establish/enforce.

HOLY SHIT am I FUCKING GLAD I've got this thing back. It just does SOMETHING to the parallel compressed buss for the drums that nothing else does quite as much to my liking.

BTW. I'd like to continue to get off on the wrong foot here by intimating(without actually CLAIMING as much) that I have either OWNED or USED REPEATEDLY... every single piece of audio equipment ever made by ANY MANUFACTURER AT ANY TIME.




I also have a penis the size of a baby's arm and own access/egress rights to the Midtown Tunnel.




OK. Let me launch into a few ad hominem attacks.




I would like to go on record as stating that William "Walt Witless" Whitman is a dogmatic elitist bastard who I will most certainly eventually kill in a most interminable and tenebrous fashion... Maybe with a single plastic drink stirrer.

Should take weeks.

And remember... I'm the guy who invented the "Fillet your cock like a trout and pour salt in it, then sow it back up and force you to drink gallons of water" torture method.

Which is now standard Modus Operandi in torture chambers the world over.

Also:

Kenny Goya(full line of Latino-marketed food products available in any Barrio) knows LESS THAN NADA about hardware, as he has been trapped in "sounds like cock and balls" softieworld since he was fired at Sabella for peeing in Billy Joel's Champagne Punch and groping Cristie BrinksTrucks skinny ass in the freight elevator. Which was like.... 78'.

If "Otek" shows up to pretend he knows what the fuck he's talking about... I would just like to direct your attention to the fact that he spends most of his year, swaddled in animal fur, raping and pillaging North Europe and it's suburbs and has been know to declare aloud, at public gatherings: "Best Whale Blubber in world, even more better than seal for lubricating victim".

E-cue is an Amek shill. He is a huge proponent of the vaunted AMEK VD(Virtual Dynamics) system and will use it to (virtual) exclusion of all others. A giant in the Hindu Bluegrass market, he nonetheless secretly longs to make high profile Rap and R&B records, and hopes someday to make "real records" which give him "real sales and critical awards like Slipperman". His Idol. Who can blame the kid for dreaming? Keeps him going. Poor sot.

Mixerman has zero credibility on gear related matters. He used to have a moderate amount of juice, in spite of the fact that he repeatedly referred to LED's as "blinkys", faders as "slideumz", and the 2-buss as "THE MAIN SOUND CONTROLLER".

Then he went ITB for religious reasons and is no better than Kenny.

Which...

Upon further consideration...

Is possibly the single most cruel and terrible thing I have ever typed on the internot.

However true.



OK. I'm almost done trying to "set the tone" here.

Uhmmm.


Whoops....

Nope.... nothing else off the top of me noggin'.

Oh no.... wait.

An opening salvo in our brave new world.

TO WALT WITLESS:

MCI: Highest quality audio gear line of all time... get over it.

You may now all commence to kiss my ass and hail me as the insuperable audio genius/visionary that I am.

Best regards,

Thrill Factor(Geoff Emerick)

Quoted in case you change your mind.

The sad thing is that I know you mean every word of it and I still love you for it. XOXOXOXOXOXO

I need help.

Although it could be worse. You could be Ardy. Thinking about all the creative ways you could lovingly fuck me in the ass. At least you'd do it with an Alesis drum module. Not your actual baby's arm.

God bless ya.

[otek]

Post of the fucking year.

And it's only March.


otek

[dwoz]

Slipperman.


I have to ask a very very serious question, that someone like you with LFAC experience can answer, perhaps you're even the ONLY guy that can answer this.


I am involved in a large console purchase which will either be a Sony 3036 ripped out of a Disney studio (sans PS), or an MCI J6-something that a famous rap album was done on, an elan that the guy that used to run New England digital is trying to unload, a mitsubishi westar that's short loaded, or a Ward Beck that the Canadian Broadcasting Service has deemed no longer suitable for recording the SCTV.

So, of course, I have so many questions.

First:


A) should I kill myself now? or wait? Would a "better time" ever present itself?


B) I'm concerned that hanging myself would be too much drama...a 12 gauge to the temple would mean lots of cleanup...slashing wrists with razor would be too mainstream (these days), and throwing myself off the brooklyn bridge might be too anticlimactic, consideringthe tides, and the possiblility that a film crew would be late arriving.

C) The westar has a tt patchbay. Does that count?


D) The install is a third floor walkup. Does that count?


dwoz

[Bob Olhsson]

I'd look hardest at the Ward-Beck because it most likely had the best support and possibly the least use. I think the cost of the board going down (or any other piece of gear) generally determines the level of maintenance it receives.

A Sony sans PS makes me real nervous.

Westar was the final iteration of Quad-Eight but short load suggests ADR or Foley recording which beats the crap out of a board.

I wouldn't trust some wealthy digital hobbyist to know how to take care of a console.

Finally, MCIs all came full of cold solder joints. Condition is a big issue and while the dude may be a star, there probably wasn't a tech present most of the time and you definitely won't be the second owner.

[Kenny Gioia]

Can I ban mods from this forum?

[Goes211]

Can I ban mods from this forum?

NOW you're talking !
:D

[clicktrack]

Can I ban mods from this forum?

Only if he bears a striking resemblance to an anteater and babbles on incessantly about a bunch of morons walking on ice with strips of steel glued to their feet for fun,

You'll know him pretty quick.

He goes all feverent on ya with the smallest provocation. Worse than a jehovah's witness on a saturday morning stroll. In his religious rantings not unlike a Guy Ritchie piker, you *just* be able to pick out a word or two about "nun-fuckering with a slippy-sized forearm" and "God's Team".

Could be a terrorist plot, methinks.

So yes...

[nobby]

That Neve thingy sounds like a lot of trouble, Slipperman.


Why not just mix it ITB using Logic 8?

[e-cue]

E-cue is an Amek shill. He is a huge proponent of the vaunted AMEK VD(Virtual Dynamics) system and will use it to (virtual) exclusion of all others. A giant in the Hindu Bluegrass market, he nonetheless secretly longs to make high profile Rap and R&B records, and hopes someday to make "real records" which give him "real sales and critical awards like Slipperman". His Idol. Who can blame the kid for dreaming? Keeps him going. Poor sot.

I upgraded all your rigs to Logic8 while you slept. (sadly less frustrating than your VD... oh, the Virtual Dynamics too)

[waterboy]

:lol: :icon_eek: :lol:

[myrtlebacker]

So I figured out what Whitman (http://www.nambla.org/whitman.htm) has to do in the "gear lust" forum and how swoggling nutz comes into play. :icon_eek: So what about Bill Duckett then ?

I dunno, if this is the right subforum for me...

[Immanuel]

Damn it Slippy, couldn't you be a bit more brief? Here is a suggestion for you. There are probably two grammatical errors, but I am sure you can fix them youself:Hi.

[...] I'd like to [...] shit and causing trouble right away, as opposed to [...] grow [...]

I will [...] Sure [...] Fuck those jokers [...] Took forever to get it turned around..., [...] AND it looks like [...] Helen Keller put the unit back [...]

Front face is all wobbly now. Knobs feel loose.

[...]I'm hoping [...]

am I FUCKING GLAD I've got this thing back. It just does SOMETHING to [...] my liking.

BTW. I'd like to continue to get off on the wrong foot here [...]

I have either OWNED or USED REPEATEDLY... every single [...] penis [...] and own access [...] to the [...] Tunnel.

[...]


Let me launch into [...] a dogmatic elitist bastard [...] Should take weeks.

And remember... I'm the guy [...] your cock like [...] and force you to drink [...]

Kenny [...]marketed food products [...] he [...] trapped [...] since he [...] fired at [...] Billy Joel's [...] skinny ass [...]

If "Otek" shows up to [...] fuck [...] I would just like to direct your attention to the fact that he spends most of his year, swaddled in animal fur, raping [...] at public gatherings: "Best [...] lubricating victim".

E-cue is [...] a huge [...] giant [...] he [...] secretly longs to make [...] records [...] Slipperman [...] Keeps him going. Poor sot.

Mixerman has [...] credibility on [...] juice, in spite of the fact that he [...] went [...] religious

Which... [...] Is possibly [...] true.



OK. I'm almost done [...]

Uhmmm.


Whoops....

[...]

You may now all [...] kiss my ass [...]

[eagan]

Can't breathe.

Tears.

Cramps.

Beverage spewage.


JLE

[mykllynyrd]

I have a hard a fast rule about such situations...


As soon as I see the dragon/lizard/whatchamacallit, I put my coffee down.

[uraniumwilly]

It's Springtime... aren't we all supposed to read Walt Whitman?

(The garbage truck audio just set off a car alarm outside my window)

Which inspires me to poetry

Oh blades of grass
green with the sun and brown
with the sun, these fields
make me want to rock my moms face off

And father
you took me to Winnemucca,
at age 12
the six pack of beer
was a fine buzz, though
I puked out
of our traveling truck window

And we arrived at "Cozy Corner"
because the tang be not free
and you tried to "get me bred"
by sweet-talking a nice whore

but fortune did not smile upon my 12 years
for at the window
my new love came to peek
with my father pointing at me as I
waiting in the truck
heaved again

[Slipperman]

It's Springtime... aren't we all supposed to read Walt Whitman?

(The garbage truck audio just set off a car alarm outside my window)

Which inspires me to poetry

Oh blades of grass
green with the sun and brown
with the sun, these fields
make me want to rock my moms face off

And father
you took me to Winnemucca,
at age 12
the six pack of beer
was a fine buzz, though
I puked out
of our traveling truck window

And we arrived at "Cozy Corner"
because the tang be not free
and you tried to "get me bred"
by sweet-talking a nice whore

but fortune did not smile upon my 12 years
for at the window
my new love came to peek
with my father pointing at me as I
waiting in the truck
heaved again

Here Here!

BRAVO!!!!

THIS is the sort of gear-inspired traffic this site needs!!!

WE SHALL PROVE FOREVER THAT IT IS "POSSIBLE" TO ENJOY COLLECTING AND EVEN USING AUDIO EQUIPMENT WITHOUT BEING A NERD FUKWIT IN SPITE OF THE TSUNAMI OF SEEMINGLY INCONTROVERTIBLE EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY PROVIDED BY THE OTHER PLACE.

SM.

[PRobb]

I was going to ask an insightful question about the relative merits of various 500 series modules but...um.....mebbe not.


I'll just back away slowly. :Uh oh:

[eagan]

WE SHALL PROVE FOREVER THAT IT IS "POSSIBLE" TO ENJOY COLLECTING AND EVEN USING AUDIO EQUIPMENT WITHOUT BEING A NERD FUKWIT IN SPITE OF THE TSUNAMI OF SEEMINGLY INCONTROVERTIBLE EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY PROVIDED BY THE OTHER PLACE.



What's wrong with R/E/P?

Oh.

The other other place.

Never mind.



JLE

[malice]

This is going to be a fine gear forum

:D

malice

[MacGregor]

What's wrong with R/E/P?

Oh.

The other other place.

Never mind.



JLE

You mean there are other other places than the other other place?

Mac

[Wireline]

So does all this mean that everything I've read before is null and void, and I should just end it all now?

[weedywet]

It's only null and void if you can flip the phase on it and have it cancel completely



but I digress


MCI made "audio gear"???

you learn something new every other day.

all in the definitions.

Like, true - SOME babies have 3" arms. I suppose.
with warts.


AT least at Neve (the company) Rupert Neve was still listening to people who made records (like Geoff, Thrill Factor, Emerick)

Unlike at Amek where the accountants took over... but I know, you OWN it you have to "love it", no matter how annoying it is.
It's how I feel about my home equity loan.

or the plate in my head.

anyway... why do we need a "gear forum"?
I read on the internets that if you can't do just fine with a Digi001 you're "doing it wrong"


I challenge all of you right now:
Make a recording with only SM-57's, Logic, PreSonus mic pres, and Mackie Monitors.

and then see if I care.

really.
try it.


I don't know if SM makes more sense after a few drinks, but I'm hoping to find out.

[Slipperman]

It's only null and void if you can flip the phase on it and have it cancel completely



but I digress


MCI made "audio gear"???

you learn something new every other day.

all in the definitions.

Like, true - SOME babies have 3" arms. I suppose.
with warts.


AT least at Neve (the company) Rupert Neve was still listening to people who made records (like Geoff, Thrill Factor, Emerick)

Unlike at Amek where the accountants took over... but I know, you OWN it you have to "love it", no matter how annoying it is.
It's how I feel about my home equity loan.

or the plate in my head.

anyway... why do we need a "gear forum"?
I read on the internets that if you can't do just fine with a Digi001 you're "doing it wrong"


I challenge all of you right now:
Make a recording with only SM-57's, Logic, PreSonus mic pres, and Mackie Monitors.

and then see if I care.

really.
try it.


I don't know if SM makes more sense after a few drinks, but I'm hoping to find out.

LIES!!!

LIES!!!

HERESY!!!


WE NEED A MODERATOR ON THE SALES FLOOR IMMEDIATELY!!!

This type of unprovoked ad-homo-numb attack will not be tolerated in Kenny's Utopian Plug-in Forum and Bondage Apparel Review.

SM.

[weedywet]

Don't worry, my American friend...

Kenny will fix it with Post Detective

[Wireline]

Kenny will fix it with Post Detective

Of course, I remember when a Beat Detective was the plainclothes cop assigned to investigate certain crimes in a specific neighborhood or area....


Auto tune was what you did to your car on nice Saturdays under a tree....


Now I am digressing....regressing...depressing....suppressi ng....compressing...decompressing....

[radeng9805]

Dwoz,

I agree with Bob O., look closely at the Ward-Beck. Best build quality of the bunch, and as he noted, probably the least abused.


I have a hard a fast rule about such situations...


As soon as I see the dragon/lizard/whatchamacallit, I put my coffee down.

Dude, don't you watch classic Trek? Slippy's avatar is called a "Gorn". He only appeared in one episode, battling Kirk on a planet that looked oddly like Chatsworth Park in the San Fernando Valley. :grin:

[Test4Echo]

If "Otek" shows up to pretend he knows what the fuck he's talking about... I would just like to direct your attention to the fact that he spends most of his year, swaddled in animal fur, raping and pillaging North Europe(and it's suburbs)...

And!?!?!....

What's wrong with that?? It's a favorite occupation of any swede - AE or not. (I have been told that the fins like it too. Never seen it though... they tend to pass out during the warm up party.)

Otek - your standing invitation is still valid. I have the list over monasteries and virgins compiled...and a few new gears for it too. (This IS a gear forum, right?)

/T4E

[dwoz]

Dwoz,

I agree with Bob O., look closely at the Ward-Beck. Best build quality of the bunch, and as he noted, probably the least abused.





Good advice, great advice.


However...


...unfortunately, the Ward Beck is off the list.


Apparently, after decommissioning by the CBA, it didn't JUST go into storage.


It was rented out as a prop, to a film company that was doing a porn version remake of the original star trek series. It would seem that the board was used in the 'highly artistic' remake as Uhuru's duty station.

It has some non-original paint on it, and some, er..."other surface contaminants" that would need to be removed, and well, the client in this deal doesn't have the stomach for that.

If anybody's interested in it, it's going for short money, and you can clearly see in "Starlet trek" episodes 3, 7, 9, 22, 23, 24, and also 33, 37, and 54, that it is quite a sturdy board.


dwoz

[Fulcrum]

it is quite a sturdy board.


Well, there's the rub, then. No one noticed that sturdy board because it was in back of all the other sturdy boards.

[iCombs]

Well, there's the rub, then. No one noticed that sturdy board because it was in back of all the other sturdy boards.

Did you seriously have to say "rub?"

...seriously?

C'mon.

Context, anyone?

[Fulcrum]

Oh, as if you've never heard of a fluffer.

[iCombs]

I have...and maybe I'm missing something, but I've never needed a fluffer to help me mix.

I mean...I generally walk around with a hard-on, but that's mostly to keep my pants up.

Is there something that I missed in "Mixing 101?"

[weedywet]

you wear pants while mixing?



a dress makes me feel "prettier"

[Fulcrum]

Wait a minute.. you were talking about mixing?

This is an audio forum? Seriously?

Waiter.. check please.

[chrisj]

Comparing your dick to baby parts is never good, on any level :)

[Wireline]

Is there any difference between API, Neve, EMI, or Quad8 pants? Do they make crotchless versions and call them short loaded?

Pants...interesting concept...kind of stupid, but it does keep a dangling participle out of the way when reaching across the board...

Is this another hard disc joke waiting to happen?

[Zoesch]

And!?!?!....

What's wrong with that?? It's a favorite occupation of any swede - AE or not. (I have been told that the fins like it too. Never seen it though... they tend to pass out during the warm up party.)

Otek - your standing invitation is still valid. I have the list over monasteries and virgins compiled...and a few new gears for it too. (This IS a gear forum, right?)

/T4E

You might think it sounds like fun, but the plight of helpless furniture all over Europe will not be ignored and silenced, it shall be heard all across the world as if being amplified through a the roaring voices of bear-ringers under the direction McKey the circus clown!

Stop the Sonic Viking before he runs away with your futon, your beer, your selection of fine cheese and your women! in that order and not necessarily in one raid.

Fear he who willingly tapes cups to his ears for he will pillage your shower heads and rape your couches!

Oh, and BTW, Wireline... AMS is hawaian shorts, Neve is khaki pants, SSL is velvet briefs, EMI is bell bottom pants and Quad8 is simply pants. They all fit a specific profile but in the end, they are all pants... and that's why Slippy mixes with no pants on.

[iCombs]

Good deal...me and my Quad 8 will keep our pants on, then.

Once I get the modules back.

WELL...i might be tempted to unzip once I get them back...I'll let you know.

[glitchfactor]

"he repeatedly referred to LED's as "blinkys", faders as "slideumz"

Holy crap......i've never laughed so hard on this forum.

I have to remember that one. Do you think my clients would find me as professional as mixerman if i used these totally hip terms?


Justin

[Slipperman]

bump






























KIDDING!!!

KIDDING!!!







Sorry, couldn't resist.




Anybody else here think the Red3 is the single most bizarre piece of compression equipment ever designed?



e-cue is banned from this discussion as he has been insisting it uses DBX VCA's since 1979.

Which, if memory serves me... is a few years before it was released.


SM.

[Kenny Gioia]

http://www.mercenary.com/whynofocusrite.html

[Cary Chilton]

Of course, I remember when a Beat Detective was the plainclothes cop assigned to investigate certain crimes in a specific neighborhood or area....


Auto tune was what you did to your car on nice Saturdays under a tree....


Now I am digressing....regressing...depressing....suppressi ng....compressing...decompressing....

LOL

[weedywet]

http://www.mercenary.com/whynofocusrite.html


wow.
"...legendary engineers like George Martin "?????


I mean I know several legendary engineers who LIKE George Martin, he's very nice, but that's not what they meant.

[MacGregor]

wow.
"...legendary engineers like George Martin "?????


I mean I know several legendary engineers who LIKE George Martin, he's very nice, but that's not what they meant.

Lovely out of context quoting :Thumbsup:

Mac
.

[Tim Halligan]

Anybody else here think the Red3 is the single most bizarre piece of compression equipment ever designed?



Nope.













Ok...maybe...










A bit...











But I use one every day...and I love it.


Wouldn't have it any other way.

:D

Cheers,
Tim

[weedywet]

Lovely out of context quoting :Thumbsup:

Mac
.


well, the IN context quote uses George Martin as an example of a "legendary engineer"

which is, of course, ridiculous

[ffaudio]

ThrillFactor = Geoff Emerick?

I need him to sign my Chandler gear.

[e-cue]

bump






























KIDDING!!!

KIDDING!!!







Sorry, couldn't resist.




Anybody else here think the Red3 is the single most bizarre piece of compression equipment ever designed?



e-cue is banned from this discussion as he has been insisting it uses DBX VCA's since 1979.

Which, if memory serves me... is a few years before it was released.


SM.

Invest in q-tips. What I said was that virtual dynamics sound like a beta VCR clipping 3 times into Red.



Red3? Oh yeah. Neat plug in.

..................................... :Uh oh:

[Bob Olhsson]

Part of the legend that got danced around is that I've been told digidesign took the exclusive U.S. distribution of Focusrite away from Mercenary.

[weedywet]

They're not the first company in music or audio that has made a name on a product and then continued to trade on that name value while no longer making anything worth using.

[Bob Olhsson]

That's certainly true, way too true.