The Womb FAQ

Here you can find answers to questions about how the board works. Use the links or search box below to find your way around.

Does anyone actually use the FAQ section of the forum?

Clearly, I am testing that very idea.

Who is mixerman, REALLY?

It's no big secret, actually...mixerman is C*BANG*....unnnnhhhhh *gasp* *cough* BANG ..... BANG.

Is audio quality more important than musicianship?

Absolutely! Back in the day, if a bassist decided to get friggin' uppity, he was replaced by the keyboardist's left hand. If a string section gets uppity, and wants to get paid, there's some pretty SMOKIN' sample libraries that sing the song royalty free, baby! If a drummer can't find his own ass with both hands, there's a Roland thingy that will send him back to the drive-up window at KFC, where he belongs. If a singer can't carry a tune in a bucket, autotune will step in and save the CMA's. (DID I REALLY JUST SAY THAT????????) and if the power goes out, and everything electrified takes a vacation, there's always a MUSICIAN and a piano, guitar, pots and pans, and voice, to make some music.

Is Malice a 'real' mouse?

Depends on how you define mouse. He does love cheese and is French...the real French, not that Canadian French.

Who is Bitchslap?

???#@

Is it me or has anyone noticed a low-end drop-off on their ProTools mix buss?

Please... if you are hearing this phenomenon it only means you have room treatment problems... even under head-phones!

What is the best mic pre for less than twenty dollars?

Neve 1073. It is both a wonderful pre and a classy eq. The nineteen dollar versions are somewhat in short supply though.

Who has the biggest hair at The Womb?

Here is a hint. The guy is a smilie addict and thinks NASCAR is a real sport.

Does my recording sound bad?

Seriously...what do you think? Have you not heard it? Are you mixing people's music and don't know if something sounds bad or not? Try the same approach with dinner next time. "Hey kids, does dinner taste bad tonight? I can't tell...I'm too close to it and have been snacking on tar all day!"

Can you help me rescue my hard-drive...it just crashed.

Why worry about it? You backed everything up twice right? I guess you will from now on then!

How can I meet any of Aardvarks Avatars?

For the most part you have little hope. There is a small chance for those of you willing to make substantial contributions towards the "Elect Aardvark President of The World" campaign soon to be announced.

What is a compressor?

Something you and your deaf friend the aspiring Mastering Engineer should never touch.

Who is the idiot(s) writing the FAQ?

Be nice now, this is my only job and I have more kids than a Sudanese goat herder.

Why are there so few women on the forum?

Gee....tough question. Wonder if it has anything to do with many of us being a bunch of audio obsessed dweebs who can Autotune the singer enough that chicks dig him but can't talk to a women without twitching and drooling all over our pocket protectors.

What is Alsihad?

You're new in these parts correct?

WHAT IS DYNAMIC RANGE?

The place on the great plains where Dynamo Hum roams freely.

Who is faster....Ingweed or Steven Seagal?

They are both GODS I tell you in Finnish accent!

Does anyone still use ADATS?

Yes...mostly the original 16bit Blackfaces but usually just for the pleasant sounding convertors.

How come nobody replies to my posts?

Obviously we are all too busy right now but eventually someone will...if only to tease you about being from Wisconsin.

Why are there so many Europeans here?

Well, the EU is over 500 million strong and most of them have short work weeks and women who have never seen a razor...figure it out.

Are we allowed to call someone a "Whiney Cunt"?

Usually not but some exceptions apply.

Will Slipperman really come to my house and beat me with garden tools?

Of course not. Slipperman is no more than a mild mannered, easy going recordist who loves sharing his insightful knowledge in a friendly, grizzly bear with painful ass-wart problems style. Besides... he has no legs.

Is Canada part of the United States?

Not yet. The Soviets had first dibs according to Patrick J. Buchanan.

Is there gas in the car?

Yes, there's gas in the car. (I think the people down the hall know who you are!)

Define 'Scratch Track'

The vocal you erase that was way, way better than the over-comp'ed keeper.

Best Convertors?

Insert old British Footballer joke.

Define 'Attenuate'

Ask someone who dated Bo Derek back in the day.

Is bigger better?

In thermonuclear devices it is.

Define 'Original Music'

Clever use of notes 13 to 32

Define 'Session Player'

The good musicians hired to secretly replace your lame parts...these days sophisticated editing software has managed to usurp their former dominance in the business.

Define 'Groupie'

Traditionally refers to women who hang around musicians acting slutty and somehow important.

Define 'Drummer'

Traditionally refers to men who hang around musicians acting slutty and somehow important.

Define 'Mook'

Traditionally refers to men who hang around musicians and groupies acting slutty and somehow important.

Define 'Fatty'

Colloquial term with entirely different meanings across the equitorial divide. Two Mooks sharing a fatty in Los Angeles is not the same as two Mooks sharing a fatty in Sydney although sometimes it is...but that's L.A. for you!

Do you know how to get signed?

No, I don't, but if you tell me what key it's in and hum a few bars, I'll fake it.

Is audio engineering actually more fun than sex?

Ok....this is hitting entirely too close to home. Who put you up to this? Why not give me a paper cut and pour salt in it? Jerk.

Is Slipperman an idiot, a savant, or an idiot-savant?

Read the voluminous thread on recording rock guitar, which manages to divulge Ultimate Truth on every possible topic BUT recording rock guitar. If you can get to the end, you can work at any shop on the planet and kick butt.

Are record labels evil?

I read an interesting thing the other day. It seems that shark fetuses cannibalize each other inside the mother shark's womb, until only one shark is left.

Can I say "fuck" in this forum?

No, absofuckinglutely not. This is a fucking "family-friendly" forum, and I'll fucking NUKE any fucking posts from whatever fuckwad feels like using profanity.

Can you please critique my song?

Ahh...fresh meat. Hagrid is safe here...but I cannot...

Are all men really created equal?

Much like adult diapers it depends who you ask.

Why do sound guys only count to two during sound checks?

On three, you typically have to lift something...it confuses a good many of them so...

Are you guys serious or what?

Entirely. We have complete and unwavering respect for all of the truisms foisted upon us by outfits intent on ruining audio and homogenising the world of music production and distribution.

Define 'Skeasty'

Skeasty is an exticulant term best used in describing skeastiness. Example: Madonna is a skeasty publicity whore and I wouldn't touch her without a full body condom and a ton of room freshener.

Is analog better than digital?

You still have all of your teeth right...at least most of 'em? Ask me no questions...tell me no lies.

Is Tiger the best ever?

Most likely. Have you seen his wife? She has an identical twin sister. Now you know why he doesn't play many tournaments each year. (This discussion is open to rewrite given recent revelations... ya think?)

Who holds the record for the fasted three goals by a Montreal Canadien?

Who else? Jean Beliveau...that's who. Greatest sportsman of all time. Period.

Can't we all just get along?

One would hope so but the world is filled with people who do not worship the Montreal Canadiens.

Rep points...do they matter?

Only to idiots. Ideally, a full green slate indicates a proper love and worship of God's Team, The Montreal Canadiens. Red indicates a distinct lack of love for Hockey goodness.

What does it mean when a post has a blue maple leaf beside it?

This tells the viewer that the post content likely relates to the seedier, promiscuous side of the gay lifestyle. Not there's anything wrong with that...it's just an alert to those who prefer to never see the 'ring of fellowship' piercing picture again.

Is a Mackie 1202 'transparent'?

Only if it is plugged into a Rane DJ mixer before going to the monitors!

Are Soundblasters 'transparent'?

To the hearing-challenged perhaps... hook one up to your Mackie 1202/Rane DJ mixer rig and hear for yourself!

Should I be taking infractions from Aardvark seriously?

Absolutely. How can you even ask a stupid question like that?

Does someone make individualised rank and title changes for each poster?

Duh. We have thousands of titles and ranks that change automatically according to post counts. Don't think for a minute I can be bothered giving you a special title or that somehow you merit such attention although in special cases it can happen. Everyone starts as a 'wanker' so don't go crying about being singled out... embrace your inner wanker and get over it.

I've read this far...do I get a prize or something?

Yes. Some day soon a very good and unexpected event will occur in your life without reasonable explanation...this is a manifestation of our internet powers. When it happens you will be one step closer to Buddah so remember...tread softly and carry a big schtick...it worked for years in the Catskills!

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