Thread: How does anyone in Australia survive?

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  1. #1
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    Default How does anyone in Australia survive?

    Ok....



    Drop bears.
    Fine...I get it.




    Deadly spiders?
    8 of the 10 of the world's deadliest species live with you in some sort of harmony.
    Alright. I'll give you that.




    Sharks?
    You got 'em. Not gonna touch'em.



    But TREES Stinging you?

    Now they talk about FUCKING TREES Stinging you?
    What the fuck is it with you lot down there? Why the fuck have you lot not just packed up and MOVED?

    (I know...some tried...went to NZ...look how THAT turned out!!)



    This is why we have winter...-20 tends to kill things before they get big enough to kill you.


    That includes the fucking trees. You never see a fucking Canadian Maple jump in your path saying "gimme your watch or I'll sting you so hard you'll shit yourself and wish you had enough nerve control to WANT to eat it to cool the pain." Never.


    Fucking aussies.


    Yes, yes...this is why your men are men...ya, we know. This is also why you started out as a penal colony...everyone expected you to DIE.

    How you lot survive is beyond me.

    Keep your shit that Stings you.


    Fucking stinging trees.




    HELL no.




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  2. #2
    Roadside Outcast Dept. Mallory's missing camera
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    Ah.

    Queensland.

    That explains it.

    As I keep reminding the foreigners: Australia - the country where most of the flora, and all of the fauna wants to kill you just to watch you die.

    The unsaid addendum is that some of those killers like to play with their victims first...

    Much like a cat plays with a mouse, or a killer whale plays with a seal before finishing it.

    Just another day in paradise...and Queensland.

    Cheers,
    Tim
    Don't forget, we are all engaged in a battle to the death against mediocrity.

    The best radio mic system that money can buy is ALMOST as good as a $20 cable.

    One of the most important things to remember about sound is:
    'Sucks' is always conducted better than 'Rules'. - Pimp-X wisdom


    Never underestimate the power of stupid - Blackie C (RIP)

    Ego and talent seldom go hand in hand... Talent and humble on the other hand... - Zoesch

    Weedy ignores this simple bit of glaring obviousness because he is an "ELECTRIC BASS GUITARIST"(coughcough)
    and views the kick drum as a "bass riff rhythmic pattern suggestion generator" - Slipperman
  3. #3
    Astrological sign is "Feces"! Sees nothing wrong with playing WOW
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    we survive by toughening the fuck up (kidding)

    seriously though, last summer my place was infested with funnel web spiders, good times!

    well not quite infested but i caught about 10 of the nasty looking buggers
  4. #4
    Roadside Outcast Dept. Mallory's missing camera
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    OK.

    I must correct an error for you...

    (I know...some tried...went to NZ...look how THAT turned out!!)
    The vast majority of the traffic was the other way.

    In much the same way as Melbourne is the second largest Greek city...or was some years back...there is enough anecdotal evidence to suggest that Sydney may be the second or third largest New Zealand city.

    But anyway...fuck New Zealand.

    At least you can try and dodge most of the things that are trying to kill you in Australia, but the actual ground in New Zealand hates the South Sea Scotsmen so much that it will open up and try and swallow them, or fling them into the ocean.




    Cheers,
    Tim
    Don't forget, we are all engaged in a battle to the death against mediocrity.

    The best radio mic system that money can buy is ALMOST as good as a $20 cable.

    One of the most important things to remember about sound is:
    'Sucks' is always conducted better than 'Rules'. - Pimp-X wisdom


    Never underestimate the power of stupid - Blackie C (RIP)

    Ego and talent seldom go hand in hand... Talent and humble on the other hand... - Zoesch

    Weedy ignores this simple bit of glaring obviousness because he is an "ELECTRIC BASS GUITARIST"(coughcough)
    and views the kick drum as a "bass riff rhythmic pattern suggestion generator" - Slipperman
  5. #5
    Sweet Child o' Mime Theo's brother the Painter
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    We also survive an insane amount of Bogans and Douchebags...

    It's an interesting place

    11 years and counting...


    Coded messages in plain text...

    Originally Posted by Dwoz
    Most audiophiles could listen to PERFECT pink noise and get just as much enjoyment out of it.
  6. #6
    SoundBlaster™ Expert Jewish Rapper... Busta Hymen
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    How does anyone in Australia survive?
    I think breeding faster than getting killed is the answer.

    Mac
    .
    Mac

    Don't be worried about your anosognosia.

    Being a professional is not about how good you are at your best,
    but how good you are at your worst.

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  7. #7
    Surfing the net at work every day! Voted for Eisenhower 'cause Lincoln won the war
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    Researcher Les Moore, alongside a Gympie-Gympie stinging plant.
    They could've came up with a much more bad ass name for such a bad ass organism.



    Or is this one of those cases where it is named for what it does to it's victim than what it actually is?



    ...Bring your toilet paper, tis all I'm saying.
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  8. #8
    Failed snuff radio producer Cock like a KM 84
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    I've heard it said that bushman Halligan scoffs at the notion of toxic fauna and beverage, calling it nonsense. If you find yourself being a dinner guest at his flat, don't be surprised if he starts you off with a Gympie-Gympie salad followed by drop bear flank steaks. He's also been known to serve vintage Fosters to help set a pleasant ambiance for a memorable evening.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    "He’s had too many stings to count but Ernie Rider will never forget the day in 1963 that he was slapped in the face, arms and chest by a stinging tree."

    Brutal little fuckers if you ask me!
    "My dad was a Chiwawa, and my mum a Great Dane. That makes me a Great Wawa. And if you think I look funny, wait until you see my big brother." The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers.
  10. #10
    knows every handout in every town Remote recordist...never gets chicks
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    This was my favourite from the piece:

    "Writing to Marina in 1994, Australian ex-serviceman Cyril Bromley described falling into a stinging tree during military training on the tableland in World War II. Strapped to a hospital bed for three weeks and administered all manner of unsuccessful treatments, he was sent “as mad as a cut snake” by the pain. Cyril also told of an officer shooting himself after using a stinging-tree leaf for “toilet purposes”.

    Oooh. Nasty.

    Guitar hack with previous. Stand well back. May sing...
  11. #11
    Voice like Marcel Marceau Snarfer extraordinaire
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    On top of the flora and fauna killing you. Our local electricity is between 220 and 240 ish volts.
    (it's meant to be 240 volts)

    Not a measly 110 volts!

    It'll kill ya in a much more fun way!

    Almost did to me recently at a gig. A douche bag decided to jump over me while I was patching power. Kicked over a schooner of coke on my arm. Coke conducts electricity.



    Spent the best part of a day in emergency while a deadline slipped by.

    Before this happened I already had a healthy hatred for hip hop. (or locally called skip hop)

    Dare say my feelings for said supposed rhythmic noise have developed a tad.
  12. #12
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    and apparently Russell Crowe is dangerous also:


    Peace,

    Jerryskid

    "...An entire genre of music based around the Hail Mary rescue attempt of an un-compable Cher vocal performance. Who knew? ..."-Dwoz

    " Where'd I put my damn Metamucil? When's Paul Harvey coming on? Why are my pants pulled up around my chest?
    " ..Droolbucket



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  13. #13
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    and apparently Russell Crowe is dangerous also:
    Only because he's prone to throwing cell phones at people...

    And...


    He's a Kiwi.


    Cheers,
    Tim
    Don't forget, we are all engaged in a battle to the death against mediocrity.

    The best radio mic system that money can buy is ALMOST as good as a $20 cable.

    One of the most important things to remember about sound is:
    'Sucks' is always conducted better than 'Rules'. - Pimp-X wisdom


    Never underestimate the power of stupid - Blackie C (RIP)

    Ego and talent seldom go hand in hand... Talent and humble on the other hand... - Zoesch

    Weedy ignores this simple bit of glaring obviousness because he is an "ELECTRIC BASS GUITARIST"(coughcough)
    and views the kick drum as a "bass riff rhythmic pattern suggestion generator" - Slipperman
  14. #14
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    Well, we have here in the Northeast USA a plant called the stinging nettle.

    It's probably not anywhere near in the same league, but you grab hold of it to pull it out of the garden, and your hand is on fire for hours afterward. Nothing really works to calm the pain either.
    "...but ma, audio engineering IS gainful employment!..."

    "...If I wuz at that club where Miles played one note I would have bounced ONE BOTTLE off his shiny fucking coconut. What? He's Phil Glass now?..." -Slipperman

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  15. #15
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    Peace,

    Jerryskid

    "...An entire genre of music based around the Hail Mary rescue attempt of an un-compable Cher vocal performance. Who knew? ..."-Dwoz

    " Where'd I put my damn Metamucil? When's Paul Harvey coming on? Why are my pants pulled up around my chest?
    " ..Droolbucket



    "A blandly designed masterwork that could inspire any reasonable citizen of California to launch a race war."-Chuck Klosterman on the Beatle's White Album

  16. #16
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    More Proof of Aussie's being insane for living where they do:

    The SPIDERS eat the fucking SNAKES!


    Where in God's good name do the spiders get so full of piss and vinegar that they attempt to GO AFTER a snake...let alone WIN and EAT ONE?!?!


    Fuck you, Australia. I'm not coming anywhere near.
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  17. #17
    From New Jersey...and admits it! Irascible redactor
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    Default

    On top of the flora and fauna killing you. Our local electricity is between 220 and 240 ish volts.
    (it's meant to be 240 volts)

    Not a measly 110 volts!

    It'll kill ya in a much more fun way!

    Almost did to me recently at a gig. A douche bag decided to jump over me while I was patching power. Kicked over a schooner of coke on my arm. Coke conducts electricity.



    Spent the best part of a day in emergency while a deadline slipped by.

    Before this happened I already had a healthy hatred for hip hop. (or locally called skip hop)

    Dare say my feelings for said supposed rhythmic noise have developed a tad.
    Ouch! Sounds nasty, I hope you weren't hurt to badly.

    We deal with a lot of 63/3 and powerlock so are in the habit of isolating before patching any power. It's a good habit to get into!
    "I'm interested in nurturing and featuring musicians and music, not constantly cutting people out of car wrecks." Pimp-X
  18. #18
    Surfing the net at work every day! Waterbrother
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    Well, we have here in the Northeast USA a plant called the stinging nettle.

    It's probably not anywhere near in the same league, but you grab hold of it to pull it out of the garden, and your hand is on fire for hours afterward. Nothing really works to calm the pain either.
    We do have stinging nettle as well and these stinging trees you speak of a most likely in far north Queensland where the stinging trees would be the last of your worries,croc's now they are a completely different kettle of fish,and SA Australia and WA Australia there are many shark attacks,where I live,mainly when it's get quite dry,the brown snake's,sometime's get quite aggressive and leave the dunes and hit the beach with the sunbather's this can be quite an experience for the unsuspecting tourist and local alike.

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  19. #19
    Craves piCklEmiLk Got punched for singing "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    What the fuck, people?


    Listen, having eaten often at an authentic Australian restaurant (Outback) I understand that having access to delicious cheese fries every day can be a huge draw to a place. But when the humans are the least dangerous organism in an area, it's time to get the fuck out, yo.

    Cheese fries or no cheese fries.


    You guys are all welcome in America. There can't be more than a couple hundred of you, right?


    Jesus jumped-up christ...stinging trees and snake-eating spiders.
    -------


    Even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while...
  20. #20
    Surfing the net at work every day! Waterbrother
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    Default Re: How does anyone in Australia survive?

    What the fuck, people?


    Listen, having eaten often at an authentic Australian restaurant (Outback) I understand that having access to delicious cheese fries every day can be a huge draw to a place. But when the humans are the least dangerous organism in an area, it's time to get the fuck out, yo.

    Cheese fries or no cheese fries.


    You guys are all welcome in America. There can't be more than a couple hundred of you, right?


    Jesus jumped-up christ...stinging trees and snake-eating spiders.
    Thank mate,I'll throw another shrimp on the barbie for ya,seriously though,I have never heard of cheese fries ever in australia,authentic you say lol

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