Thread: Vomit stories!

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  1. #1
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    Default Vomit stories!

    For some reason, musicians always seem to have the best vomit stories (after we get done talking about boobies and beer). I've never seen a group of musicians talk for any length of time without a few stories of bodily functions gone wrong. So.... I know you've all got a couple... let's hear 'em!

    (I was extremely hesitant to bring up this topic, but after seeing a few Hasselhoff pics, I realized a vomit thread was actually a step up! )

    I ran sound for a country band for a gig a fair distance away at a hotel lounge. Part of the payment was a couple of hotel rooms for the band members and wives. The band played well, the club was happy, the band got pretty sloshed on draft beer, and passed out in their respective rooms. Pretty good so far.
    Early the next morning, we all decided to take advantage of the cheap breakfasts at the hotel restaurant. Breakfast consisted of the greasiest, nastiest, smelliest eggs, bacon and a ham-like product I've ever seen. I think they put the raw food on the plate and just poured hot grease over it.
    Needless to say, there were a few queasy stomachs in our group as we left the restaurant. Out in the parking lot, we noticed a dog sniffing in the front fender well of a truck. When the dog backed out of the fender well, we realized a cat had crawled up in the engine compartment of this particular truck, and hadn't avoided the fan blades when the engine started. The dog was dragging out steaming chunks of dead cat and having a continental breakfast of his own.
    The bass player, seeing this, immediately hurled his breakfast all over the parking lot. Also, all over 2 of the other guys' shoes, since he was standing in the middle.
    Seeing the bass player heave was enough to set off the other two guys, and the 3 proceeded to have a little tag-team spew party that continued for several minutes.
    The really funny part was looking back, and seeing the faces of a now-packed restaurant staring out at them through the picture window they happened to be standing in front of.
    I'm guessing breakfast sales were extremely slow that morning...

    Droolbucket
    Droolbucket

    "Fix it in the marketing!" ..DigitMus
  2. #2
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    I got one.

    We're backstage after a Stone Sour show and Corey's wife is along. This is the first time meeting her...

    My singer doesn't do hard booze well at all, but Corey drinks Jack, so my singer is that night. Too many Jack's later... yeah.

    Ok, so here's the scene.

    Green Room at the Fillmore here in town - pretty small actually and from one couch to the other, accross the coffe table is about 8 feet. Singer one side. Wife, the other.

    Singer does a beautiful projectile - no splash, all stream. But... he's coming up short - about 6 feet is all he's going to get out of this one. But thankfully, the coffee table is there - the momentum redelivers the Jack-n-Bile-n-Coke at a now upward angle. Dude didn't make it out of the chair to get started. She saw it coming before the floodgates opened... and while she made a valiant effort to move, he did get her. Just another story where the guy gets the girl in the end - you know, a happy one.

    "Nice to meet you, let me give you something to remember me by"
    Not gonna freak unless froken to

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  3. #3
    Most friends are "on the inside". Wal-mart greeter
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    I got no musical-vomit stories unless you include the nightly ritual of the audience painting the front of the stage bile yellow.
    ȻΘϨ₸Θ₸HɖƓ
    a.k.a. Randy Brewer
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  4. #4
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    My daughter was sick and I tried carrying her since she couldn't walk, within 5 seconds she hurled.

    It was unfortunate for me that it happened to be right down the front of my shirt.

    On the INSIDE if my shirt!

    I can't drop her obviously...


    although the thought did pass through my mind briefly as I felt the vomit with it's putrid oder and warmth slowly make it past my belt line as liquids tend to...

    My wife just started laughing as she noticed it dripping on my shoes from the inside of the pant leg.

    Vomited gummy worms are pretty difficult to remove from a hairy chest, legs and ankles.

    At least my mouth wasn't open.
    Musicians are the money pinata and the tools are just various sticks to whack them with - Cosmic Pig

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    The only ones I can think of involve the wife drink hard with her friends while I was playing.


    Then barfing in the bassplayer's car as we try to get he out of the bar between sets.
    Tori's Alibi

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  6. #6
    Being Over There Now Retired phone sex worker... no more hang-ups!
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  7. #7
    Surfing the net at work every day! Hall of fame numbers
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    I don't have a vomit story, but........

    I can usually spot them. Rarely is it the guy that comes across all tough and mean that starts the fight, rarely is it the guy rolling around on the table that makes the biggest mess. It became somewhat of a game, 'Spot The Guy'.

    The bets were in the process of being laid. There was no shortage of potential, tuff guys, drunks, dealers, loud girls (kindling, at the very least).... but one guy kept catching my attention. He was passed out in a chair and had been since we got there. It was like there was a big red arrow pointing at him, so he was my pick.

    Throughout the evening he slouched immobile. First set passed, second set passed, I began to wonder. Halfway through the third set, he jerked upright as if an invisible string was pulled. He stood swaying gently for a couple of minutes, then tacked his way towards the stage. There was a stairway built into the front on my side with a heavy railing that met his head, an impact I felt in my feet. He slouched against it and began fumbling in his pants....

    "NOOOO........ NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" My screams did not register over the loud music. He commenced pissing on the stage. The guitar guy slowly walked over to my side with a puzzled look of morbid fascination. A few dancers took notice and I could only shrug at their shocked expressions. Too late now, that river's headed for the sea. When he was done, he raised his head and gave me a deeply happy and satisfied look before getting tossed.
    "Learn as much as you can about anything that touches you. Be slow to anger, but tolerate no fools. Life is too short for anything else."
    bbkong
  8. #8
    Once did Lady Di on a bet Happy Roman... Gladiator
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    Pax Christi,
    Johnny
    www.johnnydrums.com


    You can't take the sky from me.
  9. #9
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    A friend of mine saw Mark Farner (Grand Funk Railroad) spew all over the side of the stage during a solo and not miss a note.
    Gordon in Austin

    Go ahead, squeeze the wheeze; it doesn't hurt me.
  10. #10
    Being Over There Now Retired phone sex worker... no more hang-ups!
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    I hear that Ginger Baker did that during a Cream gig.. just bent over between his kick drums where no one could see.

    That could just be urban legend.
  11. #11
    Large dairy air enthusiast Portable toilet attendant
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    I finally got a chance to watch the clip, and I'm in TEARS here!

    "Hold my ears!!"

    Okay, another story....

    One night, our lead singer was out drinking with a couple of buddies. One friend, we'll call him 'Red', had a pretty big head start on the road to intoxication.
    Driving between bars, the singer noticed that Red, in the back seat, didn't look too well. "Hey, I think Red's sick", he told the driver.
    "Ah, he always looks that way. He'll be fine!" The driver was in a hurry to get to the next club before all the good looking women were spoken for.
    "I think Red's gonna puke... he's starting to percolate back there!"
    "Nah, he's fine.... we're almost there!"

    Suddenly Red, who was a BIG guy, leaned forward and SPEWED from the back seat directly behind the driver. The singer said it looked like a firehose.... he'd never seen a gusher like it before.
    The entire inside of the windshield was coated..... except for a clean spot in the shape of the driver's head.

    The night was pretty much over at that point, which disappointed Red.... he now felt much better and was ready to party some more!

    Droolbucket
    Droolbucket

    "Fix it in the marketing!" ..DigitMus
  12. #12
    Ducked in here to avoid the paparazzi Home Skooled
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    Vomit Stories Like the singer puking all over my leg and the gtr tech legs on the side of the stage inbetween songs, not much of story, just really fking gross. it almost made me puke. Or how bout the drummer puking all over his drum riser in betweens his legs and not missing a beat, pretty impressive i thought.
  13. #13
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    When I was 17, I was working in a cover band. I was doing light tech and we had the guy who used to run sound for Molley Hatchet. Since I was the young guy, I used to get to do all the running to do the troubleshooting and fixing of the system. We were in Marshalltown, IA and ironically enough, we were playing a night that my uncle would have just been spinning records... but we didn't figure that out until almost a year later - he figured he met his (now ex-) wife that night he had off. Weird world. Anyway...

    Ian called me over and I figured he was going to have me run for something, but as I got over, he squared up to me and blew chow all over me. The guy was a raging alchoholic - the kind that could empty their stomach on demand in order to fit more booze in their stomach. Out of 8 of us, he ended up puking on 5 of us during that 6 week road stretch. Nice guy. I should have taken him up on his offer to bonk his daughter. Of course, that would have meant going to AL and that's pretty far from MN just to get a piece of ass.

    Now, mind you... not as far as from NY to Australia.... hehee.
    Not gonna freak unless froken to

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  14. #14
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    I'm leary of any guy that wants me to boink his daughter.
  15. #15
    Garden variety weasel...has ripped flesh. Was once married to Larry King
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    Jesus, where to start?


    Kids, don't try this at home, your parents will not approve, and it shows an utter lack of self-responsibility, moral standing or proper upbringing.


    First, how about my friends band, their mom and dad and cousins and uncles and friends all use to come to their shows (hey, they're from Kentucky). So one night were sharing a bill at the Southgate House in Newport, Ky. The Family Crew has the table right down front while we're playing, the last set of the night. All during our set I can see mom and her sister and her friend looking for something under the table. So we finish, get a beer and the place slowly clears out. The bartender starts to clear the tables, when I hear him yelling fuck this and fuck that. Yep, mom and the ladies were hurling ALL NIGHT LONG under the table as they drank hard liquor. Alcohol bulimia. Wonder if they wore boots. Good stuff.

    Second, on a personal note. I've never really thrown up on stage, though I've come close. I'm a great believer in the show must go on, so flu or sickness of any kind has yet to keep me from the mic. There's been some close calls, running out to the parking lot after a set and hurling there, but nothing to dramatic. I might have told this story before here, as it's one of my faves. One night in Black Mountain we ate mushrooms for our show and afterwards headed back to my friend Dave's house and drank what I thought was homemade wine, but turned out to be corn liquor. The maker kept looking at me and saying "ease up man", I just figured him for a pussy, so ignored him and gobbled that fruity tasting shit right down. I pretty much new within 5 minutes that I had drank enough alcohol to kill a horse in a really short period of time, and being the mature individual I am, knocked over a chair, room divider and a bunch of stuff on the kitchen table as I headed, stumbled, ran for the back door. I wish at that point I had the mind to just shove my finger down my throat and vomit the contents of my stomach, but the mushrooms, reefer and corn liquor seemed to have impaired my judgment. My first thought was to lay in the hammock I stumbled up to. Wow, bad idea. It was strung between some old old trees with big gnarly roots which I soon came face to face with as since I could barely walk at this point, there was no way I could balance myself into a hammock. I did that spin thing like on an old Warner Brothers cartoon. I must have gone around 4 or 5 times, then spun back the other way at double the speed, before the hammock, in ceremonial fashion, through me to the ground, hard, on to the roots. I puke. Ah, to late, hardly anything in my stomach to go. I crawled to the tree, my head against the trunk, and puked some more. Bless you my son, you have sinned, you now have he dry heaves. 5 hours later, with a rock and roll stenched any kid, er man would be proud of, I woke up in the woods, my pants around my ankles, dick to the wind, ass in the dirt. Damn, I thought, what the fuck happened here. More dry heaves. Shit, I crawled to the van, and pass out again, Woke up in the afternoon, more dry heaves. Went to a Denny's Restaurant. Ahh, sweet release, something to vomit!

    Number three: My favorite all time vomit story involves a 1968 yellow Chevy Impala stationwagon, a car load of teenagers, a girl named Tiffany and an Eagles Concert in Passaic NJ. It's 1975, it was still required that you learn to drink and drive and we're freshmen in High School. Me and the gang are taking moms wagon to Passaic to catch the Eagles at the Capitol Theater. My best friend Steve is riding shotgun, and the back is loaded with boy and girlfriends and this girl Tiffany whom I'd never seen before. Tiffany is a looker. Long blond hair, slender, sweet and wasted. Steve and I are burning a refer up front and I ask him what the fuck is up with her? He informs me that Tif and the other girls had been doing vodka shots before getting in the car. Dig it, I remember saying. We said dig it, back then. Dig it! Anyway, all is good, till we hit the main drag going through Passaic. Tiffany's looking a little green, her head hanging out the window on the drivers side, I still see her clearly in the side mirror. We're stop at a red light, on coming traffic moving really slow when swooosh, projectile vomiting flys from the window, all across the top of a nice Hispanic man's killer muscle car. Oh shit. Kids in the car are yelling roll up the windows, (Harry leans over Tiffany and rolls hers up), lock the doors, oh shit we're about to be killed as the guy slams on his breaks, jumps out of his car, ripped muscles and homemade tattoos shining from his wife beater and starts slamming his fist on my window with a long stream of explitives in English and Spanish, my mouth in a sheepish grin exhaling a long stream of marijuana smoke. As Tiffany, totally oblivious, lets go another, into the rolled up window, the light turns green and we speed off down the road, the window splattered in vomit, the door handle filled to the brim and Tiffany's long, blond hair coated with shiny puke and chunks. Damn, that was a mess, thank god for vinyl upholstery and hoses at gas stations. The concert rocked, in the way the Eagles could rock when Bernie was in the band and everyone is smoking the weed. At intermission, smoking a fat one in the lobby (yes kids, marijuana used to be 'almost legal', fuck Nancy Reagan) I saw her leaned up against the wall with some of the Capitols security watching over her. They called her mom or dad after she was found blowing chunks in the aisle and they came and took her away. Never saw her again.
    GIVE ME MY FUCKING PRIZE
  16. #16
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    I'm leary of any guy that wants me to boink his daughter.
    He didn't say boink, he said bonk.

    That's "leery", BTW. Leary was an old acid head or a jet magnet. Yeah, "magnate", I know... ;^)

    The Leary Jet, doncha know.
    Last edited by ggunn; June 14th, 2007 at 04:41 PM.
    Gordon in Austin

    Go ahead, squeeze the wheeze; it doesn't hurt me.
  17. #17
    goes looking for thin ice to walk on Sentimental Hygenist
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    I actually have a bad case of emetophobia, which makes my life as a gigging amateur musician a bit difficult. After all, metal fans are not the most sober ones, usually...
  18. #18
    Once did Lady Di on a bet Happy Roman... Gladiator
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    I had a kid hurl all over the room when I taught at a MARS here. I can't believe it didn't hit me. It was a near-instantaneous projectile vomit of cinematic proportions from out of nowhere. I mean, that kid yanked. In two seconds it was over.


    In three, I was outside the room telling his Dad to come clean up...
    Pax Christi,
    Johnny
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  19. #19
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    Default Re: Vomit stories!

    Anyone remember who told the story about DLR vomiting at the US Festival? I think he told the story at the MORASS but it fits with this thread perfectly.
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