You don't have to go to Gearslutz anymore, I have it all sum up in one post !

[malice]

some noob posted this over there, and I think it is just brilliant.

Sorry if it was already mentioned

1. Low-end gear means anything under $2000.
2. Everything made by Neumann is crap today. I mean Grade-A dog diarrhea. People only use it because of hype or because they have deals (like LA Guitar Quartet - the KM184 actually SUCKS for guitars, but they have an endorsement so they HAVE to use them...)
3. The Yamaha NS-10M is the worst speaker in the world. The sound is somewhat like putting tape over the mouths of two macaws and tasing them simultaneously (make sure they aren't flush against the wall).
4. The only monitors anyone should ever use are the ADAM A7's or maybe - JUST MAYBE - the Barefoot speakers or the Dynaudio M3's. And you really need a sub for those.
5. Avalon 737 is trash.
6. Avalon 747 is trash.
7. The Avalon M5 is OK "for bass."
8. The only mics that can be used for classical guitar are the $2500 Schoeps or some equally priced Sennheiser. Otherwise, nothing in your mic cabinet will work.
9. Teams of well-paid German, Austrian, and Russian engineers consistently miss the mark, because any piece of equipment can be modded by you for $30 in parts to make it sound "just like a Neumann XX" (vintage of course).
10. Anything with the number "500" on it is a great piece of gear.
11. Anything that says Apogee is good.
12. Anything that has a cat logo or the name of a type of cat is good.
13. The Fireface is really the only firewire interface anyone should ever consider. Everything else - EVERYTHING - belongs in the skip.
14. Why aren't you using a Mac?
15. The TLM 103 is by far the worst microphone made. It makes everything sound like Fiona Apple wrapped in carpet.
16. The TLM 49 is a close second. It makes everything sound like Barry White garggling wasps.
17. You should've gotten a Soundelux U195. God, it is so much better than any Neumann.
18. Or a Peluso 2247.
19. If it doesn't say Neve, it is crap.
20. If it doesn't say API, it is crap.
21. If it doesn't say Manley, it is crap.
22. In a "comparison post," whatever YOU own is BETTER, regardless of whether you've ever heard of it or used it, or if your gear was even listed in the OP's comparison.
23. Any piece of equipment that is available at Guitar Center or American Musical is crap, except maybe a U87, but that is junk too unless someone from GS swallows it and sh*ts it out, a technique used to simulate 40 years of delicate aging.
24. Any gear that is good must've been pulled out of a much larger object and modified to fit in a rack by the actual person that designed it.
25. Trident is now crap.
26. The jury is still out on Toft, but we're pretty sure it is crap since it is often mentioned in the same breath as Joe Meek.
27. Did I mention that Genelec makes the WORST monitors in the world? Just absolute horse-sh*t.
28. Anything touched by Joly is better than any mic ever created, including a vintage U47.
29. Anything that starts with a G is a good piece of gear (Great River, Grace, Golden Age, Gefell, Grado) EXCEPT Genelec, of course.
30. There is no gear - NONE - worse than Mackie. Mackie is worse than late 80's Nady gear. The HR824's woofers are made of goat dung and the tweeters are made from the severed wings of demon locusts, and to dare use anything with a Mackie pre will summon brutish beasts from Netherworld who will feast on the souls of your family.
31. Bring your lunchbox everywhere, because no commercial studio has anything that competes with the 512c.
32. U87's are not compatible with anything made by Universal Audio (which is all crap anyway, just unusable)
33. The Shure SM7 is awesome... BUT IT BETTER BE AN A/B/(no letter).


malice

[qharley]

He left out

34. If your are not me, don't advertise anything or any service - or my cat will urinate on your avatar

[David Aurora]

hahahaha fuck yeah, spot on. i cant believe ive never signed up and had myself banned from there for a laugh.

[otek]

.

[weedywet]

Originally Posted by malice

0.
2. Everything made by Neumann is crap today. I mean Grade-A dog diarrhea. People only use it because of hype or because they have deals (like LA Guitar Quartet - the KM184 actually SUCKS for guitars, but they have an endorsement so they HAVE to use them...)
3. The Yamaha NS-10M is the worst speaker in the world. The sound is somewhat like putting tape over the mouths of two macaws and tasing them simultaneously (make sure they aren't flush against the wall).

5. Avalon 737 is trash.
6. Avalon 747 is trash.

14. Why aren't you using a Mac?
15. The TLM 103 is by far the worst microphone made. It makes everything sound like Fiona Apple wrapped in carpet.
16. The TLM 49 is a close second. It makes everything sound like Barry White garggling wasps.

25. Trident is now crap.


27. Did I mention that Genelec makes the WORST monitors in the world? Just absolute horse-sh*t.

well these are just about dead on

[DPower]

You missed everyone's most hated B brand.

But that one given my experiences, I actually largely agree with.

[Chris Lambrechts]

HAHAHA ... HAHAHAHAHA


cool post indeed ...



Chris

[HOOK]

Hmm...maybe I should check that site out for the laugh of it??


...or maybe not...


HOOK

[TubaSolo]

BTW... welcome back Mr Mouse!

[malice]

Originally Posted by DPower

You missed everyone's most hated B brand.

But that one given my experiences, I actually largely agree with.

The thing is that some of the stuff are true, but the fact is every subjects are more or less sumned up in bout 33 points.

malice

[Cary Chilton]

I want to add from memory:

API lunch boxes are second only to vintage Neve pres.

Royer 121's sound like shit.

New 421's are fucking horrible.

Beyer mics aren't as good as Sennheiser.

Pacifica mic pre's are a must for vocals.

[assemblyworker]

Thank **** someone finally cleared this up.






Looks like I need to sell my Behringer tuner though.


Can anyone recommend a tuner around the £1,000 so I can be sure all the notes I use are money makers?

[malice]

Originally Posted by assemblyworker

Thank **** someone finally cleared this up.






Looks like I need to sell my Behringer tuner though.


Can anyone recommend a tuner around the £1,000 so I can be sure all the notes I use are money makers?

I wonder if Weiss does a tuner ???



I think Steve Hillage was tuning his gtrs with an osciloscope. Some rates in the 1000£ price range, believe me

malice

[Oberlehrer]

Originally Posted by assemblyworker

Can anyone recommend a tuner around the £1,000 so I can be sure all the notes I use are money makers?

Peterson Strobe Tuner for lowly $4,950.

[malice]

Originally Posted by Oberlehrer

Peterson Strobe Tuner for lowly $4,950.

Ok, this is beyond slutty

It's so insane it makes me wanna start a new gear porn forum

obscenegear.com or something like that



malice

[otek]

Originally Posted by malice

Ok, this is beyond slutty

Although it's actually more fun when the gear is sorta useless.

The Peterson is great, and also kind of unique.


otek

[Dave Perry]

Originally Posted by weedywet

well these are just about dead on

How could both 3 and 27 be true?

[Sam]

well for my 2c #27 is true!

[Dave Perry]

These are funny:

Originally Posted by malice

9. Teams of well-paid German, Austrian, and Russian engineers consistently miss the mark, because any piece of equipment can be modded by you for $30 in parts to make it sound "just like a Neumann XX" (vintage of course).

10. Anything with the number "500" on it is a great piece of gear.

12. Anything that has a cat logo or the name of a type of cat is good.

19. If it doesn't say Neve, it is crap.
20. If it doesn't say API, it is crap.
21. If it doesn't say Manley, it is crap.

24. Any gear that is good must've been pulled out of a much larger object and modified to fit in a rack by the actual person that designed it.

29. Anything that starts with a G is a good piece of gear (Great River, Grace, Golden Age, Gefell, Grado) EXCEPT Genelec, of course.

30. There is no gear - NONE - worse than Mackie. Mackie is worse than late 80's Nady gear. The HR824's woofers are made of goat dung and the tweeters are made from the severed wings of demon locusts, and to dare use anything with a Mackie pre will summon brutish beasts from Netherworld who will feast on the souls of your family.

[HOOK]

Originally Posted by Oberlehrer

Peterson Strobe Tuner for lowly $4,950.

Remember to buy six of those; one for each string on the guitar!!!

...somewhat cheaper for bassplayers..


Alas the piano plonkers of this world.....



HOOK